Witch Fingers

I've been wanting to make these cookies for YEARS! And my little party was the perfect excuse. The cookies were delicious, but the party was boring honestly. Ah well, I'm out of practice with the hostessing thing.

There were no "type A" personalities in attendance to liven it up! And 3 of the guests were over an hour late du-oh!

But, the house looked very spooky and the food was fantastic, so it wasn't a complete flop!

And tonight is the BIG night! I hope the weather holds off for the trick-or-treaters!

boo!

I love Halloween!
I look forward to it every year!
Hanging my doecorations all over the front porch.
Carving Jack o lanterns
Thinking up some costume or other for greeting the little candy-fiends that come to the door.
Helping the boys with their costumes too.

I encourage originality in their dress-up and I also encourage ghoulishness. With mine, I figure the point is to scare away evil spirits, and no fairie princess outfit is going to cut it -- a zombie princess bride might though! I have to mention I am very frugal around all festivals. I re-use decorations year after year and they ALL fit into one tote (including the costumes) but just because I don't deck the place out as a haunted house doesn't make me less excited.

Tonight I am doing something different. For the first time ever I am hosting a Halloween party. Nothing serious, or over the top. Just some workmates coming over to eat some scary looking finger foods as an excuse to all see each other face to face (we haven't all been in the same room since the early Summer!).

what happened?

I used to think searsoutlet was the best thing since sliced bread. I ordered the kids clothes through there, christmas presents for the whole family and treats for myself too. I had confidence in the major corporation's no hassle return policy and raked in gobs of points on the M/C.

The honeymoon is over. Everytime they give the online ordering process an overhaul it gets more and more difficult to navigate. Recently I had a full "shopping cart" ready to go and some stupid navigation error during sign up and lost the whole lot. So I shut it all off. No sweaters, no boys jeans, no gadget for my husband, no new towels.... bye-bye I'm not searching for it over again.

Today I got throught the WHOLE purchase, put in my discount code for the special limited time offer that ended today.... then I got the order confirmation. WHAT?! The discount code was not applied so the purchase was 40% more expensive than I had anticipated! Up in the right corner of the confirmation it said "See an Error? Help is always available" and the 1-800 number for the catalogue orders. That was an hour ago. They can't seem to change or cancel my order there it took repeated attempts to explain what I wanted, they tried I guess, because I was on hold several times. I'm not sure they really understood what I was saying, they could have been french-canadian, the accent was subtle. Now I have been transferred and I'm on hold for customer service (for about 25 minutes so far).... what happened? They used to be so good!

If they don't answer before dinner is ready, I will do the un-fun thing of going to pick up my items when they are  ready and then return it all for full refund. It is not my first choice of tactics because I have to drive out there ro do it and there is paperwork involved. AND if I choose that route and still want the stuff, I have to place my order all over agian and do it TODAY to get the coupon code... then there is the risk it doesn't work that time either.... not a nice thought. The alternative is to keep the products at 40% more money than I wanted to pay. Not an appealling option AT ALL!

I think I'm done with that shopping site. I wanted that coffee table, in fact I've been looking for one I like for less than $200 for quite a while, and this one I like, and with the coupon code it should have come in at $120. I was willing to buy it from a tiny photo, but not at full price. Ah well....

Perfect Pet

Indian Walking Stick Insects:
Quiet
Easy Care
Self Propegating
Hairless
Free to Feed (they eat blackberry and ivy leaves)
No Special Equipment Required

I love my little tank of bugs!

URCH!

I have hit a roadblock of sorts with my decluttering/simplifying.

Clothing is easy... if I toss something that it turns out I want again, I can go to my favourite thrift store and find dozens of qualified replacements for really cheap (and so far I have not had to do that)! Same goes for most of the kitchen gadgets... BUT there are other items that are stumping me....

I have furniture that I LOVE that does not fit in this house. My antique, Canadiana drop-leaf table for example.... it's been clogging up my office for years, a magnet for piles of clutter, but I enjoy even looking at it! A monsterous, shiny baker's rack that rolls from one inconvenient spot to another in the laundry/spare room. Again I love the way it looks but it's in the way all the time and it's packed with stuff.

I have furniture that I HATE that is too functional to part with.... mostly storage items. A wooden chest that is functioning as a coffee table in the family room and conveniently stores100s of the kids DVDs, it has a broken hinge and stupid, sharp brass straps around it that are just plain hazardous. A stupid little filing cabinet that serves as a bedside table for my husband (and is packed full of his belongings), ugly and not quite right in the bedroom. My dingy, putty grey, horizontal file cabinet that is also serves as my 2nd desk in the office. Those are things I would happily toss or donate if I had viable replacements.... but I don't.

I have craft projects/supplies that still fill me with creative giddiness at the hope of finishing them one day but are holding me back (for space freedom) at the same time.

I have piles of books that I haven't read yet that don't fit in my bookshelf because I don't want to evict any books that I know I do like for these unknowns.

I have jewelry that I rarely (if ever) wear, but I still enjoy looking at, just junk stuff nothing valuable to anyone but me.

I have SO MANY TOYS in this house that I want to cry out in frustration! But they aren't mine to toss -- or are they? I wish there was some way to talk the kids into letting the sheer volume of them go without hurting them. I think part of my hoarding tendencies of the past have been from my parent's "clean out" sessions in my childhood when I'd come home and things (precious things) would be gone. It hurt. I have offered to "buy" the toys or bribe them with a new toy if they'll get rid of a certain quantity, but it doesn't work for long and never to the degree I would hope for.

Pet paraphernalia.... we don't have excessive things for our pets, a bed and bowls for the dog... a litterbox and scratching post for the cat.... but they are rather large and conspicuous items (especially the wretched post -- but if I remove that, my armchair would be on the hit list!) and not attractive. No pets would be kind of nice actually.... less hair, less stink, less grit and grime.... but I love the furballs so much they are fine companions as I work at home and good to the kids too.

As I swoon at the thought of a semi-minimalist, streamlined home, the reality is there are things I am indecisive about. A place for everything and everything in it's place has not been achieved yet.

New books

It takes me FOREVER to get through a book these days....
I've been reading "the Omnivore's Dilemma" since July and I'm only a hundred pages in!
But I keep trying, because I WANT to read these things, expand my horizons, learn some stuff,etc.

I had the good fortune to find myself in a bookstore yesterday. And I was in a learning mood. So I bought some books! (The first reaction with reading this back to myself is "tsk tsk Tracy, aren't you supposed to finish reading what you have before you buy any more?!" and "NEW books are so expensive, why didn't you go to the library instead?" Well those are academic questions now... because what's done is done, and I'm not going to beat myself up over such an extravagant moment of weak self iindulgence!)

The titles are:

"Edible Wild Plants : Wild Foods from Dirt to Plate" I love grazing wild plants and want to incorporate more of them into my diet.

"Food Security for the Faint of Heart: Keeping your larder full in lean times" because food is a passion of mine, and the book had some great looking tips for making the most of foods I have and spending less on foods I need (and preservation too)... Hey it was published in my backyard -- Gabriola Island!

"One Magic Square: The easy, organic way to grow your own food on a three foot square" this one's obvious because I love my little plot! I am hoping it will show me more about soil conditioning and smart crop rotation and plant groupings to maximize the output and keep the soil healthy at the same time.

"Zero Mile Diet: A year round guide to growing organic food" this one I almost didn't get... I was torn between urban homesteading and some other books too. The "seed saving" chapter is what won me over. I got my saved beans to grow this year, but I think that may have been just luck so I want to know more on the subject. Look at that! It was written by a family in Victoria (less than 2 hours from here)!
A theme here for sure!!! Self-sufficiency and being intimate with my food-source are very important to me right now. I've even been researching how to keep chickens!!!! (but no matter how I look at it my yard is not really suitable - boohoo).

Don't you love a new book sometimes?!

Clutterbutt Truisms

I read another decluttering book... this one is a little bit different:

Does This Clutter Make My Butt Look Fat?:... By Peter Walsh

It wasn't quite what I expected, not as much on decluttering as it was about being fat, and how the home environment impacts that. I have been blessed with the means to make healthy food choices (most of the time) for me and my family, so that didn't really resonate as deeply as it might have if I was uncomfortable with my weight. but there were a few "stuff-related" gems that I found very inspirational. Here is the "thirty seconds or less " excerpts that spoke to me the most:

• Don't start with the "stuff", start with a clear idea of the life you want to be living!
• Ask yourself "What is it I want from my life"? 
• Be mindful of what you bring into your life, is it worth the energy? Is it honouring your goals?
• Do I honour and respect my space, my time and my body?

So, what do you think? Do you agree that a cluttered household can lead to a fat lifestyle? And that being overweight (and unhappy about it) can lead to gathering clutter?

Nowhere better to be

Here is a snapshot I just took of my boy with his buddy working on the "project bike". I am so proud to see him getting into something REAL (unlike TV or video games). Sure he gets dirty and may even hurt himself somehow, but he is getting a skill, learning cause and effect and building confidence with every successful step!

This weekend was less interesting than last. We did more decluttering and cleaning and laundry and I worked 1/2 of my Sunday finishing up some projects with impending deadlines.... but there is still some yummy food being made -- Slow cooked Chipotle Braised Beef and from-scratch corn bread tonight!

And the sun is shining! Lots of walks in the woods!

My crazy garden is still producing. Just when I thought it was done I pulled off a handful of baby zucchinis (frost is here so I don't think they'll grow) and I'm STILL getting GREEN BEANS and the spinach looks great. That little plot gives me so much joy, it's amazingly gratifying.

So the house was the place to be (other than a run to the recycling centre and returning some bottles) and I like it that way!

A Wonderful Break

My nights have been full of vivid and varied dreams these days... some of which leave me breathless with terror, others taking me to new levels of fantastic scenerios. It's been wonderful. I have always loved dreaming beyond monotonous repeats of daily events. And the last few nights have really taken me places I don't usually go. I could really live without the nightmare parts though... it takes me forever to resolve myself to go back to sleep after some of them!

That is my night life -- then my days for the weekend were just as adventurous! Can it be true? An adventurous weekend!? Okay Saturday started way too early int he morning preparing the house for the big dinner.... scrub clean, vacuum, dust, pre-prepare as much of the dinner as possible and clean some more.... The good news is everyone pitched in. Even the boys made sense of their rooms!

4:30 rolled around and I was proud of what we had accomplished. MUCH cleaner and tidier too! And all the food was on schedule for a not-too-late turkey dinner. Guests all were punctual. My sister was able to make it with her family, my husband's sister brought her family and my in-laws rounded the group off to a full house of 15 for dinner. It wasn't really that bad -- sure it was LOUD, but everybody brought something to eat and thankfully all the cousins got along REALLY well!!!!

The menu included a giant turkey, gravy from the drippings, mashed potatoes, from-scratch stuffing, homemade cranberry sauce, candied yams, brussels sprouts (my fave), freshly kernelled creamed corn, a yummy chick pea salad, a bright crisp waldorf salad and croissants. Our tradition is to have a cran/raspberry juice mixed with ginger ale as the dinner beverage. Mmmmmm! And home made apple pie and pumpkin pies for dessert (with whipped cream or vanilla ice cream topper). S-O F-U-L-L !

And at the end of the evening, the clean up didn't actually go too bad. The kitchen was clean again by 10pm. And my plan for limitting access to the toys worked out well. All 7 kids had a great time with the few things they had access to, making tidying easier than usual.

Sunday promised to be a beautiful day! So we decided to go for a ride. It's the first time I had been on my bike since we had been up to Fort St John! But all was well. I was nervous that I was too out of practice, but it came back quickly. The temperature was ideal, even though it had rained cats and dogs the night before and all the puddles were huge and lake-like. That was my downfall -- literally. I crashed my bike (for the second time ever) and ended up doing a swan dive in all my gear into one of those lake-like muddy bodies of water after riding too high up a tree root (in an attempt to get around). Of course there was an audience, another party of riders was waiting to cross on the other side. And of course my 9 year old had no problem crossing before me! (Cammy was really on his game that day-- I was very proud). T rushed in to my rescue and picked up my bike as I rubbed the mud out of my eyes and wrung out my gloves a bit. I rode the rest of the way out of there on my own. And the rest of the all-day ride went swimmingly (pun intended) with my soggy gear and bruised knees. We found 2 lakes that made being muddy all worthwhile (sorry the camera was safely at home). And we were home by 5!

While T unloaded and cleaned the bikes I whipped together a fast, hot dinner and then we all went to the pool (and hot tub!) to enjoy some relaxing water therapy.

Monday was quiet.... blissfully so.

So, how was your Thanksgiving Weekend?

Focus

In an age of multitasking, and multimedia streaming in from every direction at many megabytes per second, it is sometimes hard to remember what is important.

Not just important in the broad sense of the word, but what centers and grounds your very own soul personally.

There are a few exercises that bring me to a happy grounded place and refocus me. They have been my own since I was a kid.... "what if" is a favourite. It's a game me and my sister invented on our many hours commuting between parents, and I think it kept us pretty sharp (if I do say so myself). What you do is say thing like "what someone gave me $1 million?" And come up with ANY answer you want. There is no wrong answer and it can change every time you play. Then there is the more challenging questions like "what if I lost my eyesight?", "what if there was an earthquake and power was off for days", "what if I was suddenly alone?" These last questions are more challenging, but I think they are just as revealing to our focus. Somehow by going through the exercise I feel less afraid of such a thing. It helps me be thankful for my here and now in a very powerful way.

Across the street, the family of my lost neighbour gather and deal with the aftermath of a "what if" that no one wants to realize. But I saw in the paper today the obituary -- and it was beautiful! It was a detailed, shining tribute to a vibrant couple, it sounded more like a celebration of their achievements in life than a disparaging of their loss. I respect that. They (even in their grief) have found a positive focal point.

For the record, this Thanksgiving will be a genuine time of thanks for me. I am preparing a feast for my extended family, with all the trimmings, and all the love I can give them.

I will also be taking some time just for me this weekend with another centering exercise that I really enjoy. Sitting down with a pencil and some graph paper drawing houseplans. I love building the imaginary rooms and walking the halls in my mind. Sometimes it is a mansion - dream home with no restrictions, sometimes it is a garden gazebo/screened-in retreat with a hammock inside. (Lately I have been particularly attracted to traditional Japanese construction styles. The proportions and quality and use of light and shape so carefully calculated....) It sounds selfish, but after I've had a chance to draw some houses for a while, I feel so much better equipped to deal with the little things, and more pleasant with those around me. I have done this since I was in grade 4 (that I can remember), it works for me so I'm not going to fight it.

Embracing a new relationship with my STUFF

I decluttered my bedroom this weekend.

I cleared all unecessary things from the flat surfaces.

I dusted and vacuumed.

It looks really good!

I want to go farther with it....

I want to remove the small wallhanging TV and the DVD player too. It's not hooked up to cable so it is just for watching movies while I fold the laundry in there. T hits the hay way too early (same time as the kids) so I never get to watch movies with him there at night.

I'd love to remove one of the dressers, so I need a different place to put my beloved PJs so I can have a sleek little nightable instead. If I can pare down my closet even farther, it may be do-able.

I have to make some tough choices for bed coverings. I love to look of many throw pillows and changing the bed cover from time to time. BUT I want to space more than the pretty things. I have to decide what I am keeping (maximum 2 pillows, maximum 2 covers).

Yes, I think a minimalist bedroom may be just wonderful, restful, no distractions, easy to clean!

That is the beginning. A small step to a new relationship with my STUFF.

No longer the security blanket that it used to be, I want to be free of the smothering layers!!!

We chose to get the dog and the cat. They equal an amazing amount of dust, hair and grit. Since they are good companions and are fulfilling all of their pet duties very well, I can't blame them for their natures. I therefore must deal with their mess.

It is true that the less clutter you have, the easier it is to clean. As much as I prefer a home that is cozy and decorated slightly country.... it just is too much to take care of with pets and kids! I am a stay-home mome, but not a full time homemaker because of my contract work.

I would actually love to have the time and temperment to do be able to keep up with it all.

Thank you for supporting me on this journey, I am finding myself apart from my belongings. It's a tough revelation, and I'm sure I will slip.

Spider, I think you can help me stay accountable.
Tai, you can continue to inspire by being a perfect model.
Wolfgrrl, you show me that life can be full and creative in a small space.

and the regular visits to my favourite declutterin/minimalist blogs to keep me going!

DON'T PANIC!

(Don't worry, this is not about me)

So, your significant other has not listened to your feelings AGAIN. It's hurting every day knowing your opinion and values do not count in the relationship and you are tired of compromising on ever single thing, because he won't compromise. You make good money and even though you are working 50+ hours a week, you feel you are doing the lion's share of the cooking and cleaning and yardwork AND are the primary caregiver for the two lovely children you brought into this world together. The man that you married "for better or worse" feels doing his part is occasionally doing the dishes and a load of laundry once in a while. The rest of the time he is absorbed in his own hobbies, TV, internet, fishing and all the fancy stuff that goes with it.

Conversations always end up feeling like lectures from him. It feels like there is no room for actual communication, so small talk is the only safe way to talk to him without ending up feeling either angry or worthless. You have mentioned your unhappiness in every way you can think of, you have pleaded, made lists, made ultimatums to no difference.

Ironically, he has expressed that he is not happy with the way things have turned out either. He wants much more intimate time (nudgenudgewinkwink) and thinks you spend too frivolously (but all of his purchases are necessities, of course). He can't see why you won't learn to accept the way things are will not be changing.

You express that marriage counselling is needed. He agrees to go. You learn that he has been before (with his ex wife to 3 other marriage counsellors)! After the sessions are over there is no discussion, apparently that's enough talk on the subject. He is nice, but nothing has changed, nothing of consequence.

The roof is within a couple years of necessary repairs and it's a big roof. But when the husband sells his motorcycle (at a huge loss) he already has plans for the money.... a purchase that you see as very selfish and useless compared to a roof. A large object that will depreciate and can only be used seasonally. You are dead set against the purchase and have said so right to his face.

While at work, you discover he has taken the kids to the mainland to complete the purchase.... your opinion is completely dismissed -- again.

Now what? You are LIVID. It is the last straw -- when will it end? When will you be heard?

You feel like a slave to this life. You feel like you are wasting your life being ignored at home and wonder how long it will be before the kids start copying daddy.

So?

The options are: to stay in this dysfunctional relationship, inadvertently showing the children what a loveless marriage of convenience looks like, enjoying the big house and dual income and all the toys, carrying on as the dutiful silent wife..... or plunge into the unknown, forging ahead without their father with the hopes that this gives the kids opportunities to find real love, the money will be tight and there is the risk that the daddy will bad-mouth mommy to them... and a risk they will be scarred by the experience!

He is by most definitions a decent man -- that's the kicker. He doesn't screw around, gamble, drink in excess, hit or even argue loudly! He adores his children (especially if they aren't interfering with his TV shows) . It's what he doesn't do that is the worst of it. He doesn't listen, he doesn't help, he doesn't put effort into any relationships, he doesn't respect anyone's opinion but his own and he won't risk his own comfort even to save his marriage. He will say things like "one day I'm going to teach you X...." and "I'm not doing what you say because that would be stupid" and "if I had more s3x everything would be okay" and other asinine statements that are poorly worded and disrespectful.

I am so blessed that my life is not the life described above. But unfortunately it is the life of someone very very close to me. I have no advice for her. This is so far beyond my realm of experience and the consequences too serious.

A whole family is on the brink of shattering.

sigh.... the one thing I did say was that I am proud that she is thinking so hard about it, she is weighing it with the seriousness it deserves. Her primary goal is to do right by their kids. 100%

Wake Up Call

This post is all about being thankful.

Yesterday, T and I wandered across the street to speak to our neighbour. We had recently heard that the lady that owns the house and her boyfriend are engaged. It is a happy joining in their lives, and since we hadn't seen either of them in about a week, we thought we say hi after they rolled into the driveway on a new Harley. The man was proudly showing the new bike to my hubby, with all the comfort features that come with the fully dressed bike. Me and the lady chatted about how she's getting moved in with the fiancee and still deciding what to do about the house (she just rennovated top to bottom). We enjoyed the small talk for a few minutes, and each carried on with our days, the happy couple leaving on the bike shortly after....

... a couple hours later, a police officer showed up at the lady's front door. Then approached T asking where the next of kin could be found. Tragically, the couple had met with an accident on the highway and were in critical condition.

... this morning we heard on the radio that two died in hospital overnight due to a motorcycle accident. Female, age 40 and Male age 51. No names were released waiting to notify next of kin.

... I cried. She has a 20 year old daughter and the fiancee has 2 young-adult sons. He also has a sweet pitbull dog and a few rental houses, she has a tenant downstairs in her house, and a cat too. Many lives are going to be affected by this tragedy. All for the sake of a ride on the highway.

So now I am embracing my husband, thankful that he did not die from the motorcycle accident he had just before we married. I embrace him thankful that he no longer takes risks on the road. I embrace him for 16 years of marriage and every moment we get to share as a genuine couple -- it is a priceless gift that I am so thankful for!

My heart is calling to the family of that couple.... I don't know what I can do to help them, I so want to help them. The house across the street is empty... so empty. I think I should mow the lawn for them, what else can I do?