Unanswered Urges

The urge to paint is back.... not the walls, but a genuine creative expression! I have the materials, I have the time, I even have the drive... what I am missing is the space to freely make a mess. (And trust me, I am a MESSY artist).

I don't want to do a cute little painting to hang on my wall. I want to do DOZENS of messy, fun, colourful painting/collages to go on everyone's walls! Last week I noticed my local coffee shop's walls were bare - what a shame. I bet I could help with that. (Hey, maybe I should ask them if I can take up a corner of floor space and work there? Like live music, only quieter? LOL)

I want to cut, glue, texturize and really play with the paintings. I want to get my fingers dirty and experiment with my creative instincts!

But seriously, where to paint? My older boy's room would be perfect (at the end of the hall, close-able door) but he is still using it as a bedroom. I can't move in there yet.

Garage is very occupied by useful garage things. Sheds are dark and full of stuff. Back patio is too hot and exposed to all the dog hair, dust and mosquitos that fly around outside. My office is already chaotic (and exposed the rest of the family as part of the family room)...

I may have to wait to play. That's okay. My brushes aren't going anywhere. I can sketch while I wait... sketch and plot my canvas dreams.

No place like home

I'm happy to say that I love my house again. The winter was long and dark which made me have doubts, but now that the sun is reaching the yard again, I love it once more.

The floorplan is great in any season and the gardens are looking spiffier after every weekend of effort. The kids and dog spend more time outside here than they did at the other place and generally even though they do more outside stuff I see more of them too (because my office is in the main part of the house perhaps?).  Its worth mentioning that I have burned less meals here too... also because of the office's proximity to the main part of the house.

I've been walking almost every day to school with Cam -even though it's no closer than the other house, the walk is nicer. And the drive is much worse, so walking is simply the more appealling choice in the morning!

So we renovated the floors, paint and  K I T C H E N last year.

This year we are:
- working on the front yard (already quite a way into that with sicky plants removed, a fresh terraced rock wall and cedars coming next week)
- improving the food garden area... (my step-dad gave us his old green house. This weekend he's coming over to help re-assemble it.)
- repairing and improving the driveways (T's bro is bringing an excavator over next month!)
- painting the exterior of the house
- wiring and winterizing the garage (T's tools suffered surface rust over this last winter!)
- painting the baseboard molding, trim and interior doors
- installing more lighting for the kitchen and dining area (dreary and impractical at the moment over the eating areas)
- installing an exhaust fan in the main bathroom (how a house can be 30 years old and not have ever had one is strange to me)

That is the wish list that I REALLY hope to get done before the dark season comes back, we put some money aside after our other house sold, so hopefully it will all come together in time. (We won't get a loan for any of it... if we can't pay for it now, then it can wait). Between my energy, the boys' young backs and T's handyman skills it shouldn't require much hiring out.... just sweat equity and materials.

*** today I shoveled a whole yard of soil by myself and flung it up into the terraced rocks in the front yard. I think my back may hate me in the morning.

Health

Everything seems to be trucking along in my life.

That nasty flu has been avoided (so far) and the weather (though not wonderful) has been good enough to walk Cam to school almost every day.  In fact I am starting to wonder why we even have a second car, the new house location is within walking distance to my bank, pharmacy, grocery store and even a Thrift Shop, Timmy's and take out sushi place! Of course, it's not a FUN walk on a busy street, but I have done it. The only tough auto-situations are when I have a meeting or other chores farther afield than my local strip mall.

I took it upon myself to re-learn how to knit! I got some needles and a few balls of yarn at the thrift shop and watched a couple you-tube videos until I got the hang of it. It was fun! I played with it until I ran out of yarn. The result is a 24" striped square of softness. Not sure what I am doing with it, but it was fun with very little expense.

However..... my chronic mild wrist strain from my daily keyboarding posture erupted into full blown carpal tunnel syndrome this weekend... it HURTS.

I didn't bother a doctor, I did that test that the doctor would do (elbows out with backs of hands together for a minute) and checked off all the symptoms on-line, there is no doubt what the pain is from. I phoned around yesterday looking for a wrist splint to sleep in and found the most comfortable thing ever! It cost more than I'd like but not much more than a big pack of name brand, muscle relaxing, pain relievers. I slept with it on last night and am completely stunned how much BETTER I slept! (Apparently my wrist has been bugging me in my sleep for quite some time?) And my hand felt better this morning too. Not perfect, but certainly not nearly as painful as yesterday by a long shot. I will be sleeping with my comfy new wrist splint as long as it works!

Don't you love it when something works as advertised?

We are really moving

After a depressing lull in viewings (typical right now for the whole market) we DRASTICALLY cut our price to below even what the Realtor tour thought it may go for... and it worked!

We finally got an offer... much lower than we had hoped for, but the conditions and possession date were PERFECT so we haggled briefly on the price and signed the papers. The inspection was Thursday and the conditions came off Friday!

Sure we took a beating compared to what we thought it was worth, but the truth is even with this dip in the market we sold for more than double what we bought it for 13 years ago. And I still think the other house's potential is worth the hassle.

So who is moving into this pretty home that I have so lovingly put money, time and caring into for 13 years? This house that has my beloved cat resting in the backyard, where uncounted numbers of BBQs happened on the back porch and dozens of big family dinners and where my youngest was born... ?  Where most of my neighbours are really my friends and the sounds of the gazzillion field and marsh birds wake me up with the dawn? From what I can tell, they are first time buyers. 22 and 24 years old with a very young child. They must have family in town because the evening of the inspection they had about 6 cars in the driveway! I feel good that this young couple will be getting such a good house for a good price. (My first place was a dump!) And at least 3 of the neighbours are thrilled that there is a young kid moving in.

Now comes the fun part.... several fun parts in fact.

I have lined up the painter (coming July 16th) and carpenter (for the flooring and trim) for the other place. The kitchen cabinets and the majority of the flooring is being ordered on Wednesday. (!) Surprisingly stressful proccess designing a kitchen! There are too many things to get done in the time we have between the possession of the other place and the move-out date for this one!!!!

That's something too!

I have 24 days to purge, pack and move this household... even if we have no floors or kitchen on the 25th!

AND I still need to be able to continue working throughout this whole reno/move thing!

It's going to be hectic (but I still prefer this over the stress of WAITING.... by a lot)

The magic budget!

I suspected that if I did up my budget I would feel less like I was spiralling out of control -- and it worked!

My finances look clearer... not wonderful, but definitely clearer.

However teeth have taken a "bite" out of my confidence. The dog broke ANOTHER molar over Christmas (thanks to getting a nice meaty pork bone from a well-meaning relative) and it's stinking to high heaven so I guess I HAVE to get that taken care of (the last one he broke cost over $500). And Steve needs braces starting in June... it will be costing $7000 by the time that is done... (unfortunately, unless I want him to suffer the same narrow palate complications as I have, it has to be done while his skull is still young.) My teeth don't LOOK bad, but my bite is terrible and my jaw discomfort is chronic.... my lucky boy has the same mouth structure. I don't want to curse him to lifelong discomfort but I'm not happy about dishing out the $7G either.

The good news (awesome news actually) is that T's job looks secure and full time for the foreseeable future and he has been getting so much side-line mechanical work that I barely see him on weekends. I have told him to slow down because I can see it's burning him out but that's another story. He wants that cash, so I can't stop him -- he'd rather burn out than feel poor, what an amazing sense of responsibility that man has!

More good news, my business has finally picked up again too! Hooray! I have a list of 10 items for design work and 5+ HVAC schematics to do. AND I have an interview for a new bread-and-butter client tomorrow that I feel good about AND a potential part time job opportunity may exist to expand my skill list and reinforce my existing knowledge in a parallel field (but it would officially make me unavailable to my clients 2 days a week, so I have to think very seriously about that)

Call me superstitious, but I think all this good news is because I took the bull by the horns and did my budget. Nothing like seeing written down - exactly what you need - to let the universe know that you are ready to get it!

Knowing is Half the Battle

I did the budget.
I went over all of the expenses for 2011 (fixed, variable & "one-time")
I added up all the income for 2011 (steady, variable & unlikely-to-repeat)
I anticipated the monthly costs for fixed expenses based on past costs/increases
then I figured out how much was left for the variable.
The prognosis is not wonderful thanks to everything costing more this year! Medical went up, hydro went up, fuel went up, internet went up, house insurance went up, property taxes went up and food went WAAAAAY up thanks to a very hungry male teen in the house.

(Clothing and entertainment are costing no more than in the past, and phone, car insurance and home maintenance seem to be holding steady too.)

Unfortunately T's income did not go up, and I saw a slump last year.

The good news is that I do not have to bring in a whole heck of a lot to make ends meet even with these increases everywhere. Part time is still good enough, and I am appreciated so much at home that working away would be very very hard if it came to that.

I'll keep a close eye on things and campaign for more work so we can keep ahead of the game.... it's not a lost cause by any stretch... just walking an uncomfortably narrow path in increasingly deep woods.

My husband feels embarrassed that his income alone is not enough. (bless him for that). But he wants me at home as badly as I want to be here, and as much as the kids love having me here too. IT WILL WORK because I can work from home.

I feel more informed after this exercise. And knowledge is power, so I feel more powerful too!

Belt Tightening Time!

Confession: The Slow spring for my income has finally caught up with me.

I am now Miss Frugal-Supreme until the Fall Graphics contracts begin (I have just confirmed 2 annual bread and butter October jobs back for another year)

The thing is I am kind of panicking.... I'm already pretty darned frugal!

No cable, ubber-cheap cellphone (that we all 4 share for emergencies), fairly local camping is our vacation of choice (and we pick low cost sites), we eat vegetarian several dinners a week, I grow as many veggies as I can fit in my little plot, I line dry the laundry, no car payments and T does all mechanic-ing here at home, we accept hand me downs for the kids and myself for clothes, I buy discount-near-expiry meat to freeze, no air conditioners, no booze, very little restaurant patronage (and then it's for lunch not dinner), no consumer debt to pay down, no student loans... where else can I cut?  Where else can I scrimp while still feeding my growing family decently, and keeping house and home and body and soul together?

Seriously! I need tips and I need them fast for the next little while.

There are 2 options... find a way to trim expenses or find a way to boost income.

Two mom's at Steve's highschool suggested I tutor Math on the side. But I already have my side jobs... could I make the time I wonder?

Maybe I should flog my business harder? Now that school is back in I could do that more easily... but there is the immediate problem of cashflow to deal with there is the gap between NOW and the client building, new work and invoice payments received, y'know? AND I know October will see me SWAMPED already, so why pile more on and alienate my family?

Back to ideas for cutting costs.... anybody?

For the first time, I am SLIGHTLY relieved we didn't get the other house because  moving  costs  money. Period.

I need to calm down, face my fears and find a solution PRONTO

Hyper focussed

What happens when a person starts to let other things slide just so they can keep feeding a new found passion? I think they call that addiction, so I better watch out.

I am very focussed on the concept of minimalism right now, so focussed in fact that I think of little else. I read the blogs, lay in bed dreaming of bare walls and spacious cupboards, and torment myself regularly when I bring things home.

I'm not getting very far, but I am OBSESSED with getting farther!

My work is suffering. I have some contracts to do, but it's really hard to be creative when your mind is already preoccupied! I can't design an Irish Concert themed poster when I want to declutter the mixing bowls, or find the perfect colours for a health suppliment logo when my desk is getting paper piles again!

I have 2 choices.... let my jobs be late and purge until the fever subsides, or keep struggling creatively and putting out "passable" work to keep the money rolling in.

Hmmm......
Actually now that I see it in black and white, it's pretty obvious!
I'll be shutting off my computer for a couple hours to get purging, then I MUST buckle down and get these projects to my clients! My career needs me to be sharp and happy to do well...

(PS, School is almost done for the year! The highschooler only has 1 more day and 2 exam days, the Elementary boy only has a week and a half left.  I love summer with the kids now that they are older!)

Peddling Backwards

Do you ever feel like you are just spinning your wheels?

I just finished a volunteer project for my oldest son's class. It took me about 16 hours all together, and myself and 2 other moms worked very hard to make it something special.

The Class of 2010 yearbook.

One of the moms was able to take the file to the school district printers. And the book that came back completely disregarded the mock-up and page layouts that I put all that time and effort and consultation into. I don't know why I even tried to make the pages make sense, they just got bound together in any old way, and the result is an amateurish layout and over-saturated muddy colours. I have never had such a mess with my name on it before! -- And yes my name is on it, proudly supporting our 2010 graduating year. The only good news is that all the CONTENT is still there (only a little out of order).

Bah. Why should the printing place print the file as I gave it to them? Why would they LOOK at the hard-copy mock-up I spent 2 hours assembling for them (because they prefer one)? Why did I even try?

I am bitter about it, but at the same time, it isn't TERRIBLE as a finished booklet -- it's just half-assed looking. And that doesn't sit well with me at all whether anyone else notices or not.

If you could see me now, you'd see a big pouty lip sticking out and a sniffle breaking loose (like a kid that's dropped her ice cream cone).

BUT other than that little black cloud, my week has gone okay. Thunder showers followed by amazing sunshine! My PAYING work seems to be going well and my menu plan for the week is yummy yummy and more yummy!

A goal met -- on time too

There, that was much less painful than it could have been!

All the transactions for 2009 for my little business are now input into my new book keeping software and backed up on an external drive. The only thing I couldn't quite figure was how to account for the stuff I paid for out of my own pocket over the year (a couple gas receipts, courier and some ink cartridges).

What a relief to meet that goal! I wasn't sure I could make it on time, but I did and I am very happy about that.

Lweis Carroll's Jabberwocky poem sums up how I feel about this whole experience..... enjoy

’Twas brillig, and the slithy toves

Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;

All mimsy were the borogoves,

And the mome raths outgrabe.

“Beware the Jabberwock, my son!

The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!

Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun

The frumious Bandersnatch!”

He took his vorpal sword in hand:

Long time the manxome foe he sought—

So rested he by the Tumtum tree,

And stood awhile in thought.

And as in uffish thought he stood,

The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,

Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,

And burbled as it came!

One, two! One, two! And through and through

The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!

He left it dead, and with its head

He went galumphing back.

“And hast thou slain the Jabberwock?

Come to my arms, my beamish boy!

O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!”

He chortled in his joy.

’Twas brillig, and the slithy toves

Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;

All mimsy were the borogoves,

And the mome raths outgrabe.

Taking Control

My goal was to do the 2009 books for my small business by the end of January.... well, I was clumsily plunking along... pulling my hair out at the roots... getting interrupted every 15 minutes or so by dog, kids, clients, phone, etc and then taking 15 more minutes trying to figure out where I was on my bank statement.... going CRAZY with frustration!

ENOUGH!!!!

So I went to London Drugs and asked for the easiest, most fool-proof, book keeping software on the market. I took the box that was handed to me, went to the till, paid my money (and wow it was $50 off!) and now I am setting it up. New decade, fresh start! I already like it better, and the screens MAKE SENSE, the tutorials are friendly, everything is laid out to see on every page. I tell you I am so relieved!

Tonight I will finish setting up the accounts information.... tomorrow I will be inputting 2009!

My Cat has ridiculous times to want affection!

Working at Home: Ups and Downs

(a view of Shack Island from Piper's Lagoon Park)

I have been working at home off and on for 13 years.... consecutively for 8 solid years.

Y'know working at home isn't as easy as it sounds sometimes and simply fabulous other times.

One perk that I totally LOVE is that if work is slow, I can get other things done for my family or even ME! While waiting for the client to email back with changes, I can put a load of laundry on or get dinner started.... or visit my favourite blogs even. (I hated that "look busy" thing that had to happen in an office or retail environment. I could think of about a million things that would be more productive but was trapped there until my shift was done...)

The flip side of that is that it can be all too easy to get used to being slow and not drumming up more work, or even worse, letting work slide while doing the other distractions for family (or me)..... like blogging about being a work at home mom instead of doing my year end for example!

One common misconception is that being self employed means you get to be your own boss. NO WAY! Instead of having one boss, EVERY ONE OF YOUR CLIENTS is your boss. And they can fire you with zero notice, with hold pay and be demanding, pushy and cheap all they want if you want to keep them as clients. It's a juggling act of trying to please them and trying to be properly compensated all the time.

Another misconception is that you get to set your own hours. Well, sort of. I can run out to get my kids at school and take them to doctor's appointments and go grocery shopping during the day --- but if that deadline is due, I will have to make up that time SOMEWHERE even if it means working all night, weekends or holidays. And taking vacation is tricky. First of all, I have to factor in that I earn NOTHING while I am away from my desk, and second of all, if a trusted client has a rush job while I am away, then they will have to look elsewhere for that work, and I risk losing them forever. Same goes for being sick, there are no such thing as paid sick days, (my husband has been horrified to see me near-death, hunched over my keyboard trying to make a decent looking ad layout more than once).

IMPORTANT: There is a clear distinction between being a STAY AT HOME MOM and a WORK AT HOME MOM. For the kids, having a work at home mom is a double edged sword. Sure mom doesn't need to pay for childcare as much, but even though mom is "HOME", she is not "AVAILABLE" which can be very confusing and upsetting to the kid's young sensibilities. They get upset that you can't play with them, they get bored of only their sibling(s) for company, they crave outings and friends and crafts, and most of the time the work interferes with that heavily. Now that they are in school it is MUCH easier, at least I get from 9am - 2:30pm to get the lion's share of the work done (one hour less on Fridays). And then there is the bonus of driving for the occasional field trip if things are slow!

Oh and then there is the isolation that I suffer from sometimes. Oh how I crave being able to talk to other grown ups, especially peers in my profession! I even sometimes miss water cooler gossip! Having someone to bounce ideas off of, comiserate about suppliers or difficult clients, talk about the latest episode of some hot show or discuss top news stories... it's all important stuff that gets missed as a work at home. The husband is a great listener (thank heavens) but really doesn't give a crap about the details of graphic design processes.

That having been said, I don't want to go back to an office setting, I don't want to put my kids back in childcare and I truly believe the unique challenges of working at home are well worth the rewards!