Something to Aspire to

These are Ben Franklin's Thirteen Virtues....

1. TEMPERANCE. Eat not to dullness; drink not to elevation.

2. SILENCE. Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation.

3. ORDER. Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time.

4. RESOLUTION. Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve.

5. FRUGALITY. Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself; i.e., waste nothing.

6. INDUSTRY. Lose no time; be always employ'd in something useful; cut off all unnecessary actions.

7. SINCERITY. Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and, if you speak, speak accordingly.

8. JUSTICE. Wrong none by doing injuries, or omitting the benefits that are your duty.

9. MODERATION. Avoid extreams; forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve.

10. CLEANLINESS. Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, cloaths, or habitation.

11.TRANQUILLITY. Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable.

12. CHASTITY. Rarely use venery but for health or offspring, never to dulness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another's peace or reputation.

13. HUMILITY. Imitate Jesus and Socrates.

I think Benny boy was onto something here!!!! It is definitly something to aspire to, now that I am older and *ahem* wiser.

(picture from here)

Welcome 2010

What a year 2009 was!

For our neighbours to the South, the election of Obama breathed new hope into their politics. I too was excited about Obama, I still HOPE he can make some real progress for his sometimes-egocentric super-nation. I truly hope it is working for them -- I am embarrassed to admit that I just don't pay attention much to any politics, enough of our own country to make an acceptable voting decision, and less for everywhere else... it's shameful. Honestly the process hasn't impressed me for some time and my vote seems to mean diddly squat as far as getting what I vote for... (especially municipally, every referendum I voted in seems rigged), out west our vote means very little nationally, and provincially they seem to have a bit of craziness perpetually running through them.

But I digress.... I want to reflect upon 2009 for a moment. It seems in my own personal sphere of friends and family, that it has been an uncommonly difficult year. Nobody is doing any drastic moves these days, and everyone is watching their pennies and minding their Ps and Qs around their employment. As a society we seem to have lowered our expectations in a lot of areas -- and that is not entirely a bad thing after years and years of expecting to get it all the way we want it.

I see more veggie plots in yards, more laundry lines, and less sneering at my second-hand clothing. The fact that we went and got a "new-to-us" car is going against the grain (even though it was long overdue). Suddenly the things I love to do are making sense, getting by without, saving for a rainy day, living with less, cooking at home, and I am finally not the only party pooper!

At the risk of tempting fate, I want to toot my own horn here for a minute. I think perhaps my frugal choices -- that lifestyle that seemed to be "too darned cheap" before -- has protected us from a great deal of disappointment. Thankfully my husband and I are on the same page on these things and he trusts me. We owe nothing except our mortgage. It can be excruciatingly tight sometimes, but that is much more comfortable than over-extending ourselves. And we have been living on less than 2 full time paycheques for over a decade. We used to look at those others that had everything and be jealous, now we are relieved that we didn't listen to the siren's song, because we have avoided the jagged rocks that are drowning those other families now. All the nice trappings of that sparkly life are hard to live without once you have had them, especially if you still feel you "deserve" them.

2009 has been an eye opener for me. And I know I am not the only one.

Is it wrong that I am a little happier with this new way of thinking? I have long believed that we want too much too fast and don't give enough concern over the consequences of disposable appliances, cheap crappy toys and one-use dusters.

My focus has changed in some ways too. I want my sons to succeed as much as I ever have, but now my definition of success is shifting. Good work ethic, a gainful skill that they can develop and enjoy using, kindness and integrity make successful human beings, not their grades at school. At least that's what I keep hoping. I am willing to nurture these paths to success where I can. And I am living by example there. My own path for my family... though I did quite well in school my income is very small... Realistically, a bigger paycheck would not make me a more successful parent right now, nor a more successful wife, and that is what I want to be at this point in my life. It doesn't hurt that I have come to the sobering conclusion that my boys are not going to ever think of school the way I did, and grades will never be a good-enough reward for them to excel there. Maybe if I made it my primary focus, I could force them to study every waking moment so they can get "good grades", but then I am not sure the lesson I would be teaching them would be ultimately constructive to their adult development. But really, I don't know anything, I am blindly fumbling along here with this parenting thing! So that hasn't changed!

Another thing that changed. My desire to acquire is way down. In fact the suffocation of myself with my crap is just getting more and more intense, and it needs to calm down and lighten up. I must declutter more aggressively or go mad. But (like an eating disorder), I binge and purge with my stuff.

Speaking of eating..... Thanks to T's gallbladder scare, our diet has improved. It wasn't bad before, but now it is even better. Our portions are smaller and of better quality! That is a change from 2009 that I want to carry on for years to come.

My priorities are still the same as at the beginning of the year. I want to: do right by my sons; work at things I can be proud of; keep soul, house and husband in good order; find time for friends (and myself); live within our means in an environmentally conscious manner; learn about nature at every opportunity; and take the time to enjoy beauty for beauty's sake! If I can do these things then the important stuff is covered for me.... now I can welcome 2010 with open arms.

SANTA IS COMING!

(you may have noticed I moved the tree..... Max and my brother-in-law's dog wrestle too much in the living room, so it was safer to just move it).

No matter how much I grumble about the consumeristic tyranny of the Xmas machine, I still get butterflies in my stomach Christmas Eve Day! Santa is coming! Presents are coming (the stocking is my favourite)! Turkey is coming! Family are coming! As the BIG DAY approaches I find I am second guessing myself. But that is normal, right? Gifts all accounted for? Food all ready? The excitement is not squelched by these insecurities, the kid in me is louder than the paranoid mom!

Just once I think I might like to take the family away for Christmas.... maybe a Caribbean Cruise or something in lieu of the gift giving craziness, but it probably can't happen unless we could take EVERYONE including T's folks and sister's family, because it isn't just about us four, Christmas is about the extended family too.

Speaking of family.....T's sister came by on the 22nd for a brief visit, but I talked them into leaving their 3 kids with us while they did their town errands (including going to the motor vehicle office to renew a driver's license -- how fun would that be with 3 kids?). They had great fun here and even stayed long enough to get bored.... that's a first! It was great to see them for that long, and I was happy to do something for T's sister for once, they are such genuinely good people.

The big dinner will be relatively small this year, T's sister's brood is at the in-laws, my sister is also at the in-laws, my step dad is in Toronto with his wife's son's family, mom and her husband are up in the Charlotte's as always..... so that leaves us four, T's parents and brother. A dinner of seven just is TINY compared to usual!

I ran around visiting people yesterday, drove down island as far as Duncan to drop off cookies to the friend that I do Christmas bake-sharing with.... her household is having a particularly TIGHT Christmas and was hit very hard by the economic situation. No money for gas even to meet me halfway this year. We are the same age (we took some of the same classes in college) and our lives got taken on drastically different courses! On paper they are very similar... college, marriage kids, mortgage, but the reality is drastically affected by the spouses we have. It puts into relief how thankful I am that T did not lose his job in this economy! (knock on wood). I know we are lucky, I know there are so many others that aren't so lucky, and I appreciate every moment of our fortune completely. Survival is possible, but not so easy without a working husband (we have been there before, thankfully, it has been 6 years of steady income). Choices become so much more acute when there is not a free penny of wiggle room. At least this friend of mine was smart enough to chop up the credit card the minute her husband got his pink slip! They can't get into a hole with high interest rates. Their housing is secure at this point, their mortgage is up to date (and not too big to start with), there are no car payments and my friend is skilled at budgeting. BUT her husband is NOT so great and thanks to his loose wallet they have bounced a few bills at the last second! He sees the money in the account and just spends it, he doesn't appreciate that it is needed TOMORROW for the hydro, or the strata fees or phone bill. It doesn't help that he "needs a beer" for the weekends and smokes and REFUSES to give up the cable because he "deserves it". I am ranting now, he thinks his wife is a nag just because she is trying SO HARD to keep house and home together. I think she needs to throw all the bills and expenses at HIM and say "you do it then" and see how long they have a place to live. The problem with lessons like that is that the whole family is screwed then, and it would STILL be her fault because she let him do it! There, the rant is over.

Christmas time seems to highlight strife as much as the good things -- Sad, but true.

On a lighter note:

I have to put out a public THANK YOU to Spider for turning me onto Craigslist. I
have managed to sell some things that still have value, but that I (or my kids)
have outgrown. Sometimes donating things to charity is not that rewarding.... I
have packed things up ever so carefully in sets, only to see these items in the
store separated and mangled (and therefore not as saleable or profitable to the
charity). My new tactic for such things is to put it on Craigslist FIRST, then
if it doesn't go before the listing expires I can pass it on to the charity.
Thanks to this new strategy I have brought in over $100 to spend on Christmas that I would not have had otherwise, and my home is that much lighter!

Sad Thing to Have in Common

I was just over at Amber's Blog and found being a stay home mom is not the only thing we have in common. Her dad passed away in his 40s too.

My dad was a fun guy with a hot head too, in fact my mom claims to have left him because he never took anything "important" seriously and she thought if she left him with his very young daughters that it would force him to grow up (at least that is her excuse for leaving us with a happy alcoholic). He was creative as a carpenter, and near the end of his life finally found success in his business.

I have mostly fond memories growing up with his particular sense of humour and even his very strict-no-nonsense rules. I was just barely 18 when cancer took away my dad on April 13th (a Good Friday) in 1990. He was in his late 40s. I saw him take his last breath, and I felt tremendous relief that his suffering was finally over. I was lucky enough to be able to kiss him goodbye (even though it was just his mortal husk, I knew he wasn't far away yet) and wish him well on his journey and thank him for everything. That's when my life took a rather sudden turn for independence. I realized with crystal clarity that I had to make my own way. And when I crashed my car and my step mom was completely terrible about it 3 weeks later, and the bad crap that happened immediately after (I found myself homeless and car less a month before graduation). I really felt very, very, very alone, even as my friends tried to comfort me. But I kept going to school, I kept going to work, I kept my plans for moving to this college town and I had to plan it without any financial support from my dad (nor from his widow thanks to her iron clad financial grip on his estate).

But I made it, reached every goal I have set (in time) and have done it with my resolve and the support of my husband. I have not had to make contact with the step-mom since leaving town, and I think she must be fine with that because she has never looked for me. She married my dad, but we were a package deal, being our step mom was time-served for her I guess. I hope she is happy with that, I am simply disappointed that we meant so little.

I feel worse for my little sister though. She had a hard time with Dad's strict rules, and so had "run away" to live with mom shortly before he was diagnosed with cancer. It was hard on me having her gone to a different town, but it must have been a terrible burden on her to know her daddy was dying and she couldn't be there. (Our step-mom had a cruel habit of answering the phone and saying dad was too busy to talk to her, and telling my sister not to visit because he didn't need 2 teenage girls sapping his strength -- then never telling dad that she called!) My sister did not leave on good terms with our dad, and I don't think she was able to resolve that before he died. (I know in my heart that he loved her with all his heart no matter what was left unsaid).

She tried to contact our step-mom about 10 years ago... she found out where she lived and knocked on the door. SM opened the door a crack, "Oh, Cheryl. Now is not a good time, could you come back later?" Not the response my sister was expecting, and just so we are clear, my sister's name is NOT "Cheryl"!!!! The woman took care of us for 8 years of our childhood and couldn't remember the right names? How surreal is that?! Needless to say neither of us has tried to find her since. But we hear rumour that she remarried and moved up North (and divorced again too). We wonder what happened to our dad's things, family photos and mostly we wonder what happened to his remains (we know his ashes were in an urn with her).

It has now been longer without my dad than it was with him. In fact I have known my husband now longer than I knew my dad, and that feels really really weird. I still miss him every day and have so many unanswered questions and wistful thoughts about whether he would have liked my husband and how he would have loved being a Grandpa, or if he even would have approved of my career choice (he discouraged art as a career -- starving artist and all).

After dad died, I took a brown work shirt of his (and a Christmas ornament.)
So Amber, how is that for a coincidence?

2009 unfinished

Do YOU ever fall behind on projects?

(Rhetorical question, I know everyone does)

I am trying to put together some family pictures for a digital frame that I got my mother-In-Law for Christmas 2008! I thought I was joking when I told her she could actually use it "next year".............. whoa is me.

And then there are the Christmas porcelains that I got last summer with plans to paint before Christmas, just 2 tiny ornaments.... (at least I got the base coat on)...... What is it about Christmas that puts the pressure on like this? Baking, cards, gifts, decorations, crafts, preparations for New Years.... it's so much!

I REALLY thought the laundry room would get finished in 2008, and the overall house clutter is still terrible though I cut and cull and donate regularly. Why is it that consumerism is rampant in this house and we don't even go to malls?

I also desperately wanted to start sewing again in 2009, but I am not sure I can even remember how to thread my machine. Besides, the table I wanted to sew at in my office is covered with unwrapped Christmas presents. And I wanted to go to the drop-in pottery studio on Thursdays, the fee is reasonable and it's during school hours so I could go guilt free... somehow I just never made it there this year -- clay is fun and a great stress manager.

Oh and then there are my business projects: the biggest and baddest procrastination being my (gulp) bookkeeping. (I can hear the finger wagging from here, Jeff) And a couple other projects that just seem to always get pushed to the back of the pile.

On the bright side, I have fullfilled some of my 2009 wishes.

Firstly and most importantly I saw more of my friends this year, albeit Tai had to do most of the reaching out, I still made sure I was available when she called, and I did get to her place and take her out for one fun event. There was the tragic loss that brought us 4 highschool friends together too... a terrible excuse to meet, but we did indeed meet and that is so precious.

Secondly we replaced the aging, cramped truck and the rusty Golf in 2009. Even better, we did it without going into hock. Of course our emergency fund is nearly zero, so I am not sure how I can save up enough to go to England next Spring-- I will go on credit if I must -- T EVEN TOLD ME SO!!! (revelation!)

The bedroom floor was replaced, and T now thinks cork is the best flooring medium ever invented (he was very resistant to it when I first suggested it). It wasn't on the 2009 list, but it was on the "one day" list.

I musn't forget about the runaway success of the veggie plot! That is something I am very proud of!

And I managed to find a way to have an online portfolio that I could actually manage! (Unlike that stupid website that I let break and couldn't fix on my own.... bah)

Moving forward, how do I make 2010 more successful? Well I am NOT waiting for the New Year Eve to start, I will accept my unfinished projects from 2009, and move forward.

First things first, I must get this digital frame loaded ASAP!
Secondly, that wayward package design needs to be done by the 23rd.
Thirdly, the sewing table will be cleared by New Years Eve, and the sewing machine put on it!
Next the bookkeeping will be caught up by Jan 30th (I will have Jeff on speed-dial just in case). But you know, I think the ornaments can wait to be painted without guilt, and the laundry room can wait until I have returned from England at least. We have a few vehicles to sell, the VW Diesel Golf, my adorable VW Cabriolet, T's street bike, they are all slated to find new owners by the end of Spring (no hurry).

So what have YOU left unfinished in 2009? I'm curious.

Added Enjoyment

The new car is fantastic.

It's funny, we are so used to driving the simple, unrefined, older VW Golf, that even this rather basic BMW seems like TOO MUCH. I feel like a poser driving in this shiny, understated elegance. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE the sensation of driving the Beemer, in all it's shiny german beauty, and there is nothing wrong with being seen in it (unlike the rather sad looking Golf) -- I have to take this less seriously -- after all, the BMW, like the VW is just a CAR, a 7 year old one at that! The Golf was the model of practicality and economy, which must be why it has been our main family transport for 7 reliable years. Very hard to say goodbye to such a good thing, but like a fine old pet, it's time has come too soon. The rust has spread to structural places, even if it's engine an transmission are rock-solid!

So why do I feel more anxiety with this newest ride than I have with any other car.... (and I have owned many, many cars, I lost track around 15 in my name, and can't even imagine counting all the ones T has had even since we have been together)? We are self-admitted tire kicking iron junkies. We LOVE the automobile and aren't too snobby about brand loyalty.

We did do a ton of research, checked out everything in our price range and crossed almost all domestics off the list (sorry big 3, it's nothing personal) they just didn't fit us very well, and the consumer satisfaction has been appalling for some time. Then we had to cross our favourites off the list too. For example, by the time the VW Jetta TDI wagon was in our price range it was within a few years as old as our Golf, OR quite worked over! So dumping that much money in something already worn out seemed really stupid. There was a Mazda wagon that was really fun to drive and a nice size, but consumer ratings said they had some consistant issues and the zoom-zoom comes with some gas consumption for sure. We liked the idea of having a Toyota this time, (another practical ride) but Steve HATED sitting in the back of the Matrix, and we just found it kind of boring..... really it was a serious contender and there were a lot for sale to choose from, each rejected on technicalities (too many kms on it, too bad it's an automatic, the wheels are too plain, what a boring colour, etc, etc). To us this is a lot of money that we spent years saving up... we were gonna reserve the right to be picky.

Then I saw the ad for this BMW. (I copied and pasted it into the last post). Talk about NOT what we were planning! Not rugged, not any good whatever for the dog, not cheap to run nor to maintain!! BUT it has something very sexy and exciting that we really have been longing for. So what the heck, it's only money, it's only a car! All the anxiety that this ride has caused me thusfar with being afraid I bought it in a moment of passion instead of using my head.... it fills me with a strange longing and worry. Like dating someone that you beleive is too handsome to be genuinely faithful. I am terrified that I don't deserve this car, it will be somehow ruined by me, or destroy my family over my obsessive protectiveness!!! And then even as I realize I am feeling this way, I say to myself.... it's only a CAR, it wasn't even the most expensive thing we looked at, it was LESS than the CHEAPEST new car on the market. R-E-L-A-X !!!

breathe breathe breathe. It's just so pretty, and I love it.

(Now we must sell the reliable old Golf -- $1500 should be reasonable, and the fantastically fun and whimsical Cabriolet I got this summer may find herself sitting alone)

NEWS FLASH!!!

2003 BMW 320I. 104 Kilometers, 5 speed Manual, heated leather seats, power options, sunroof, alloy wheels, 4 door sedan. This car has nothing wrong with it, it has been an amazing car. Very well maintained.

And it's ALL MINE!!!!!!

moooahahaha!

It's been a while

Sorry it's been so long since I have posted anything. I think about it daily, but somehow the day runs out before I get to it.

It's been all ups and downs lately (as always)...

There is the stress surrounding the kids and their individual challenges (report cards were NOT acceptable this term). In fact the reports were so ugly that I feel utterly like a failure as a parent -- academically. At least the teachers both said my children are pleasant boys and stay out of trouble!

Steve with his teeth. The surgery was yesterday. They asked me to be there with him at 3:00. At 4:30 I asked when we might actually get in to see the doctor, at 4:45 he finally went in and by 5:15 the tooth was out and he has an ugly knot of stitches there instead and I had a whopping bill to deal with. Then we had to rush to the dentist's (she needs the tooth to make the bridge), then rush out to the pharmacy to get the 3 prescriptions filled. Pain reducer/anti-inflamitory, antibiotics, and a freakin' expensive mouthwash. He woke in the middle of the night with pain, so the medication seems to be necessary at this point! Ten days from now he will be fitted for the bridge so long as the healing goes well. It would have been SIMPLER if they had never tried to reinsert the tooth last June. Oh well, what's done is done. Forward we must go. (I have pictures, but you may not want to see them)

Earlier yesterday I took the dog for a walk somewhere different (the sun doesn't come into our valley until late on these short winter days). And on our walk in the chilly sunshine, I spotted smoke off the trail. I went to investigate and it was a leftover campfire built at the base of a cedar tree. The embers had sunk into the roots and duff and were being very effective at smoldering and roasting the roots, and under the ground nearby! I stomped and kicked and worked at it for about 30 minutes digging with my boots and trying to collapse the underground fire... I am sad to say, I don't think I did too much, everything I tried to smother it with was more fuel. It's been COLD here, but also DRY, so I did the next logical thing and took my bearings from the sun and tromped straight into the bush towards our new fire hall. It must have been funny seeing me come out of the frozen undergrowth with twigs in my hair, covered with ash and soot while I waved down the firemen that were about to leave. I told them where the fire was as best I could.... "a kilometer THAT way, between the tracks and the trail, not on the highway side, not as far as the powerlines, but past the overpass." The forest canopy was doing a very effective job of dispersing the smoke, so I have my doubts that they could see it easily. But at least I did my duty and reported the fire.

And the Christmas tree hunting this weekend at the u-cut tree farm was a success! It fell over half way through decorating (we HAVE to get a better stand!!!!) but nothing broke that a little super-glue couldn't fix. And you will note from this picture.... The dressers are moved back into the bedroom! I have my Living room back!

Most of my shopping is done, the cards are sent, and the wrapping is done as I go, so I feel good there. I had grand intentions of making stuff this holiday, but I think if I get any baking done, that will have to be enough!

I mucked out the laundry room for the millionth time so that I could turn the heat on in there for the first time this season.... brrr it was cold! So now it is warmer AND you can see the floor.... oooooh-aaaaah.

Work is coming in a trickle, but it's still coming! This summer a longtime client of mine switched from me to the in-house designer at the sign shop he was dealing with (to streamline production). It is a valid reason and I let him go without any grudges. Well this month he called me rather sheepishly. He didn't like the designs being done and neither did his customers, so it was hurting his business. Would I please do designs for him again? Of course! And now, in 2 weeks I have done 8 more signs, a little money I would not have had otherwise! -- GOOD THING TOO BECAUSE I SPENT WAY TOO MUCH ON MY HUSBAND THIS YEAR!

We went to Gabriola Island for T's neice's birthday. The weather was nice and we got home long before dark. The dog was amazingly good staying outside, and the neice liked her presents.... a very successful family outing all round!

Oh and the car hunting continues. We thought we had found the deal of a lifetime on a Subaru Forester from one of T's coworkers, but the cost and effort of replacing the engine it needs will simply not be such a good deal even with T doing the labour. But all is not lost, we have tracked down a couple leads; a sweeeet 325i BMW sedan (not dog friendly at all, but OH SO NICE), and a VW TDI wagon that is not as nice, but more practical in every way (without being boring either). And sure enough both of them are silver.... but somehow silver on a german car doesn't bother me at all!

oh ya, and an icky thing.... my cat had a HUGE tick a couple days ago, I mean H-U-G-E! I thought it was a massive skin tag and realized with horror that it was indeed a parasite! EEEEWWWWWW, I am not good at killing things, even those sorts of things, but I did it. I carefully placed the tweezers at the base (like the internet tells you too) and slowly pulled hoping to coax the nasty beast out of my cat's shoulder. I won't go into details, but that technique failed miserably, and the head is still there. (I think I threw up justy a little bit in my mouth there). Good new is it doesn't seem to affect my cat at all, but trying to hold her still for the procedure was extremely hard!!!!!!

I feel like I am forgetting so much here..... but let me leave you with a fantastic link. This music is so wonderful and I am proud to say my best friend is married to the composer!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Sx_6reFs2Y

Because you asked...

Spider requested progress photos on my bedroom floor..... well, there was no way I was taking a picture of the carpet in (beige with 10 years of high traffic abuse)! But here are the progress pics thusfar. All the tiles are installed that didn't need to be trimmed.

You can see what my weekedn was all about. Ripping up carpet, prying off trim and tack strips, pulling underlay staples out of the subfloor, going to the dump, and helping with the tiles.

We had to put the bed back in (even though the edges aren't done) because there is nowhere else to set it up!