This one is disjointed and completely NOT logical in any way but it was fun.....
It felt like the very first warm day in Spring....
Tai and I were riding "our" street motorbikes up to the meeting place, away from the breezy seaside.... it was a large, garden courtyard, wierd grey buildings with lots of archways..... a big grassy patch (slightly overgrown), not a lot of flowers or anything, a mostly dried-up creek running through (visualize thick mud with rushes poking through) and there was a plank bridge crossing about 6 ft in length..... and this is where I decide to relax in the sun, I remove my coat and lay down face to the warm sunshine, arms crossed behind my head (very cozy and non-threatening place).
Vanne and Jeffe had already set up a small picnic on a grassy knoll about 5 feet from me and were chatting happily with N who was across the creek just a stone's throw away. There was wine and laughter and it was all very relaxed. I started to try to be "cool" but just came across as goofy, the good news was that it was just friends witnessing the flail! Then a "muppet" version of a gardening program began (see little puppet corn and carrots) in one of the archways about 3 stories up. My coat sleeve dragged in the mud and my sister was there with baby wipes to help clean it up as we watched the cute show about planting and harvesting......
All in all a happy, warm, stupid dream!
10.28.2005
Hey there everybody!
Tai and Vanne and Jeffe are coming to visit hooray!!!!!
I am making a yummy dinner and I will serve refreshments and we will enjoy each other's company!
If T is civil and relaxed it should be good. I will Blog after.
I am making a yummy dinner and I will serve refreshments and we will enjoy each other's company!
If T is civil and relaxed it should be good. I will Blog after.
I wanna post my picture!
I found a great picture to put by my description and I don't know how to do it!
10.20.2005
funny dreams again
Oh this one was a RIOT!
Setting: A party/get-together in a college classroom... the doors are open, it's daytime and sunlight and fresh air are coming in. The atmosphere is fun and friendly and everyone has a beverage and is chatting merrily and socializing -- including my husband and myself. I find myself chatting with people I feel I know (but don't actually recognize) . There is none of the usual anxious feeling that I am going to miss a class or have lost my textbooks -- yes I STILL have those nightmares 15 years later!!!!! Instead everyone is having a good time and getting kind of silly! There breaks out a game of tag and [N] is there too and he talks to me too, but there is no tension, from [T] they are getting along! Chasing around and around, inside and outside and who do I bump into but CHRIS! (An Ex-school boyfriend that I made the grievous error of living with fresh out of highschool....) this was the funny part .....
Soundtrack: ("I'm too Sexy", Right Said Fred)
Dialogue: "Hey how's it goin?!" He grabs me and spins me around in an embrace. He looks the same with long flowing blonde hair and huge blue eyes..... "Hi Chris" I respond after squealing at the sudden loss of my own footing. Then we do some sort of Chinese acrobat thing where he is lying on his back on the concrete and I am sitting on his feet and he is bouncing me up and down until I am almost crying with laughter... finally I break loose, punch him in the chest and catch my breath while he goes on endlessly about what he's been up to. Then [T] who is driving a red car, does a donut in the parking lot, pulls up and I get in and go.
Fade to black.
I wake up laughing my head off!
Now that's a weird and wonderful reunion, in an unconscious way.
I have some pity for that ex of mine. I saw him at the 10 year highschool reunion and he had not "grown" at all. He was still dating and going to college with no clear focus or sense of reality. He was very self centered way back when and I misunderstood that for being "sophisticated" HA! I am glad I woke up before I ended up married to that no-where man. But he was in my opinion handsome and he came from a fairly well-off family with professional parents -- the opposite of my blue-collar lineage. I thought I was in love, but I realize now that it was just the best thing available at the time. Sounds cruel doesn't it? I DO think of him as kind of a clown now, so I guess that's where the whole acrobat routine came from.
Setting: A party/get-together in a college classroom... the doors are open, it's daytime and sunlight and fresh air are coming in. The atmosphere is fun and friendly and everyone has a beverage and is chatting merrily and socializing -- including my husband and myself. I find myself chatting with people I feel I know (but don't actually recognize) . There is none of the usual anxious feeling that I am going to miss a class or have lost my textbooks -- yes I STILL have those nightmares 15 years later!!!!! Instead everyone is having a good time and getting kind of silly! There breaks out a game of tag and [N] is there too and he talks to me too, but there is no tension, from [T] they are getting along! Chasing around and around, inside and outside and who do I bump into but CHRIS! (An Ex-school boyfriend that I made the grievous error of living with fresh out of highschool....) this was the funny part .....
Soundtrack: ("I'm too Sexy", Right Said Fred)
Dialogue: "Hey how's it goin?!" He grabs me and spins me around in an embrace. He looks the same with long flowing blonde hair and huge blue eyes..... "Hi Chris" I respond after squealing at the sudden loss of my own footing. Then we do some sort of Chinese acrobat thing where he is lying on his back on the concrete and I am sitting on his feet and he is bouncing me up and down until I am almost crying with laughter... finally I break loose, punch him in the chest and catch my breath while he goes on endlessly about what he's been up to. Then [T] who is driving a red car, does a donut in the parking lot, pulls up and I get in and go.
Fade to black.
I wake up laughing my head off!
Now that's a weird and wonderful reunion, in an unconscious way.
I have some pity for that ex of mine. I saw him at the 10 year highschool reunion and he had not "grown" at all. He was still dating and going to college with no clear focus or sense of reality. He was very self centered way back when and I misunderstood that for being "sophisticated" HA! I am glad I woke up before I ended up married to that no-where man. But he was in my opinion handsome and he came from a fairly well-off family with professional parents -- the opposite of my blue-collar lineage. I thought I was in love, but I realize now that it was just the best thing available at the time. Sounds cruel doesn't it? I DO think of him as kind of a clown now, so I guess that's where the whole acrobat routine came from.
10.07.2005
Uncanny Accurate Astrology
Our local paper has been doing an uncanny job lately at my Horoscope. I always read them for sheer entertainment value, and my habit of picking of the paper a day or 2 late has been great for making it the joke...... BUT lately it is getting me wondering about the validity of it these days!
This was yesterday's....
"PISCES: You're more successful because you set time limits that accommodate your process, Price your work higher though. Either that or find another way to earn your money __ an upcoming opportunity to travel is too juicy to miss."
Last Thursday was just as accurate, it is still entertainment, but now it is entertainment with a bit of optimism!
This was yesterday's....
"PISCES: You're more successful because you set time limits that accommodate your process, Price your work higher though. Either that or find another way to earn your money __ an upcoming opportunity to travel is too juicy to miss."
Last Thursday was just as accurate, it is still entertainment, but now it is entertainment with a bit of optimism!
10.06.2005
Stitches-be-gone
It's one of those things that I was hoping..... "maybe if I ignore it, it will just go away"
Stevie's stitches have been in for a bit longer than the Doctor suggested, and darling hubby said he wouldn't do it, so I got the courage just after waking up this morning.
My dear boy was getting dressed and I barged into his room with a pair of sewing scissors and tweezers in hand. Then I turned on his desk lamp and said "come on, it's time to get the stitches out".
I think it was my matter of fact attitude that made him obey. But he did say, "I thought the Doctor was going to do it", to which I replied that I didn't know when we would go there next and they had already been in too long. End of subject, good enough answer, whatever. He sat still, I was feeling very squeemish by the end (no matter how you look at it, pulling things out of a scab in your own son's head is a disturbing sensation) I pulled them out and handed him the bits of coarse black string..... he very cutely said he thought they would be clear like fishing line.
No fuss, no muss, no blood! Hooray its done.
Stevie's stitches have been in for a bit longer than the Doctor suggested, and darling hubby said he wouldn't do it, so I got the courage just after waking up this morning.
My dear boy was getting dressed and I barged into his room with a pair of sewing scissors and tweezers in hand. Then I turned on his desk lamp and said "come on, it's time to get the stitches out".
I think it was my matter of fact attitude that made him obey. But he did say, "I thought the Doctor was going to do it", to which I replied that I didn't know when we would go there next and they had already been in too long. End of subject, good enough answer, whatever. He sat still, I was feeling very squeemish by the end (no matter how you look at it, pulling things out of a scab in your own son's head is a disturbing sensation) I pulled them out and handed him the bits of coarse black string..... he very cutely said he thought they would be clear like fishing line.
No fuss, no muss, no blood! Hooray its done.
more weird dreams
I think the stress of my contracts is really getting to me.... and the funny thing is its not crazy busy at the moment like it was on Monday.
I guess I was dwelling on the sobering rhetorical question Tai gave me last night over the phone.... "how much money would you sell your soul for?"....
In my dream, I was meeting with my most dreaded clients (they happen to be Realtors) at their office. I told them I would not be continuing to give them graphics services. After a look of dread with a touch of panic, the partners turned to each other and whispered quickly, obviously forming a plan. The tall partner strolled up to me, firmly shook my hand and said "Thank you so much for all you have done for us, if you change your mind, you know where to find us." and with that he gave me a 'car salesman' smile and turned around to leave, passing the shorter partner with a 'go gettem' slap on the back and a very obvious wink.
This is where it gets comical!
The short, blue-eyed partner (who in real life I have already let slip I think is very cute in an older fellow sort of way -- and he found out!!!!) sauntered up to me with a peculiar look in his eyes and embrased me passionately!!!! He dipped me deeply and gave me a lingering, hot kiss... after a half-second of shock I quickly decided that 2 can play at that game and kissed him back! Tongue action and everything, and took the opportunity to give his ass a nice firm squeezing too for good measure! It was funny even in my dream (and it was a fine kiss too, I could see why the taller partner sent him in for the gigalo action). Oh MY! Anyway, I said a very polite "thanks, I'll consider the offer" with a sly smile and a playful slap on his bottom as he walked away. I knew my reaction was not what he was expecting (after all I am a shy, happily married girl 20 years his junior). TeeHee..... the dream continues with an open house party also at their office (that night) and the fellow I had molested was there dressed up as an Admiral for the party. I was on the couch and called him over, patting the chair beside me with a coy..."I love a man in uniform...." and he sat down looking seriously nervous at my forward behaviour.
It was a terrific and empowering dream! Oh what fun to be forward, sexual and fearless! Even if just in fantasy.
I guess I was dwelling on the sobering rhetorical question Tai gave me last night over the phone.... "how much money would you sell your soul for?"....
In my dream, I was meeting with my most dreaded clients (they happen to be Realtors) at their office. I told them I would not be continuing to give them graphics services. After a look of dread with a touch of panic, the partners turned to each other and whispered quickly, obviously forming a plan. The tall partner strolled up to me, firmly shook my hand and said "Thank you so much for all you have done for us, if you change your mind, you know where to find us." and with that he gave me a 'car salesman' smile and turned around to leave, passing the shorter partner with a 'go gettem' slap on the back and a very obvious wink.
This is where it gets comical!
The short, blue-eyed partner (who in real life I have already let slip I think is very cute in an older fellow sort of way -- and he found out!!!!) sauntered up to me with a peculiar look in his eyes and embrased me passionately!!!! He dipped me deeply and gave me a lingering, hot kiss... after a half-second of shock I quickly decided that 2 can play at that game and kissed him back! Tongue action and everything, and took the opportunity to give his ass a nice firm squeezing too for good measure! It was funny even in my dream (and it was a fine kiss too, I could see why the taller partner sent him in for the gigalo action). Oh MY! Anyway, I said a very polite "thanks, I'll consider the offer" with a sly smile and a playful slap on his bottom as he walked away. I knew my reaction was not what he was expecting (after all I am a shy, happily married girl 20 years his junior). TeeHee..... the dream continues with an open house party also at their office (that night) and the fellow I had molested was there dressed up as an Admiral for the party. I was on the couch and called him over, patting the chair beside me with a coy..."I love a man in uniform...." and he sat down looking seriously nervous at my forward behaviour.
It was a terrific and empowering dream! Oh what fun to be forward, sexual and fearless! Even if just in fantasy.
10.02.2005
Yay!!!!! A Visit!
Spider Girl came to visit me! Hooray! I always love to see my friends!
AND as an added bonus, her darling hubby too! (Spider Girl, I know you don't mind that he is my favourite friend-in-law!) He reminds me of a Viking, always has. (Not the loud, raping and pillaging, vulgar kind of viking though! More the chieftan's right hand man, the advisor to battle plans and prosperous trade routes! The REAL leader, not that whacko guy with the craziest swinging broad sword with a hot head and too much mead in his system.... you know the kinda guy I'm talking about.....) And I like him a great deal, so please keep him forever and ever. Thanks.
And that overly drawn out explanation of Spider Girl's husband out of the way..... I had a really truly nice visit! Though I nearly starved them thanks to my lack of hostess skills, until the poor folks had to actually ask (so sorry) . I did remember the tea though. We talked about Africa, insects, work, allergic reactions, more travel, renovating, new furniture..... it was really good. And I got to see 150 amazing photographs of a place I will likely never see and animals I will likely never have first hand experiences with. I loved it so much, I wonder though, the one thing photos and TV can't capture are the scents and sensations of being there. I wonder what the savannah smells like? speaking of memorable smells.... I LOVE that fact that one of my shirts was ruined by wild monkey pee, that's the most excitement ANY of my wardrobe has ever seen! Sad isn't it?
Great visit, top knotch, hope to have another one very soon!
AND as an added bonus, her darling hubby too! (Spider Girl, I know you don't mind that he is my favourite friend-in-law!) He reminds me of a Viking, always has. (Not the loud, raping and pillaging, vulgar kind of viking though! More the chieftan's right hand man, the advisor to battle plans and prosperous trade routes! The REAL leader, not that whacko guy with the craziest swinging broad sword with a hot head and too much mead in his system.... you know the kinda guy I'm talking about.....) And I like him a great deal, so please keep him forever and ever. Thanks.
And that overly drawn out explanation of Spider Girl's husband out of the way..... I had a really truly nice visit! Though I nearly starved them thanks to my lack of hostess skills, until the poor folks had to actually ask (so sorry) . I did remember the tea though. We talked about Africa, insects, work, allergic reactions, more travel, renovating, new furniture..... it was really good. And I got to see 150 amazing photographs of a place I will likely never see and animals I will likely never have first hand experiences with. I loved it so much, I wonder though, the one thing photos and TV can't capture are the scents and sensations of being there. I wonder what the savannah smells like? speaking of memorable smells.... I LOVE that fact that one of my shirts was ruined by wild monkey pee, that's the most excitement ANY of my wardrobe has ever seen! Sad isn't it?
Great visit, top knotch, hope to have another one very soon!
My Tummy is in Knots!
I finally bit the bullet, and after the ulcer, the midnight anxiety attack and more temper tantrums than I can count, I have finally admitted that I can't handle the workload anymore.... do I really want to wait until they find "the lump" before I act?! My doctor says "is there any area in your life where you can reduce your stress?" I laughed at her, but maybe I can! So I sent this note to my co-contractors.....
"Team;
Due to very recent events and family circumstances I really need to scale back my involvement with the company. It is with a heavy heart and regrets that I share the message. I don't want to bore you with the details (most of which are personal) but the bottom line is that being a partner in the company would not be a benefit to any of the other's involved as I can not provide the dedication and drive that the honour deserves.
Effective immediately I will not be taking on any new projects for this company until the ones already issued have been completed, and then I may have to turn down some of the more involved works. I am truly confident that our East deigner's skills and available work pool will be able to pick up the obvious slack (you girls are awesome out there!). I will start a dialogue right now to make sure that none of our clients are left without services. Hopefully the transition will be seamless to any outsiders.
Discretion and kindness from everyone would be greatly appreciated, this is a hard thing for me to admit as a proud and dedicated team member."
And there you have it, it is honest without admitting too much. I am still freaking out! Most people have responded with kindness and concern for my family, something I wanted all along! but the one person who's opinion I care the most about has not responded yet. I am sure I crushed him as he has very carefully set me up to be the very hub of the business, and has been fighting the uphill battle of trying to groom me to be "more than just a designer" (though it is all I ever wanted to be -- a mother first, THEN a designer at least until the kids get bigger). It is something I have said repeatedly, but he has been deaf to it because he says he sees my "potential". Bad timing. He is getting older and really wants to retire. I feel guilty that he put so much faith in me, but I have NEVER told him I was anything but a designer for him, and I have kep saying OVER and OVER again that tha is all I could promise to be. He is trying to set this company up as a "legacy" a model business that can carry on without him. Great in theory, but time is not on his side, both with his age catching up and my kids growing so slowly and the Island not fast to accept new ideas..... I feel for him, but I need to worry about MY life too! It is something that is icky but true.
Hey! and I don't need to feel bad about my absolutely-fabulous-design-helper-dude being left in the lurch by my decision, because he has decided to move FORWARD with his career by moving to Victoria! Good for him! I am so proud of him! (He was just wonderful telling me as gently as he could) Ambition! is something he needs more of and something as drastic as leaving his home-town might be just the shake up he needs. He is so talented! Like a nicely tuned engine revving away on an engine stand he needs a purpose, a car with a steering wheel and accelerator pedal! Good for him! It's funny that he waited until AFTER I said I was leaving for him to say he was leaving. I am so glad he isn't just fading away, and is actually going somewhere. I dare say my hubby will be happy..... though I will miss the guy terribly. Super-fun to be around!
Very Scary Friday!
"Team;
Due to very recent events and family circumstances I really need to scale back my involvement with the company. It is with a heavy heart and regrets that I share the message. I don't want to bore you with the details (most of which are personal) but the bottom line is that being a partner in the company would not be a benefit to any of the other's involved as I can not provide the dedication and drive that the honour deserves.
Effective immediately I will not be taking on any new projects for this company until the ones already issued have been completed, and then I may have to turn down some of the more involved works. I am truly confident that our East deigner's skills and available work pool will be able to pick up the obvious slack (you girls are awesome out there!). I will start a dialogue right now to make sure that none of our clients are left without services. Hopefully the transition will be seamless to any outsiders.
Discretion and kindness from everyone would be greatly appreciated, this is a hard thing for me to admit as a proud and dedicated team member."
And there you have it, it is honest without admitting too much. I am still freaking out! Most people have responded with kindness and concern for my family, something I wanted all along! but the one person who's opinion I care the most about has not responded yet. I am sure I crushed him as he has very carefully set me up to be the very hub of the business, and has been fighting the uphill battle of trying to groom me to be "more than just a designer" (though it is all I ever wanted to be -- a mother first, THEN a designer at least until the kids get bigger). It is something I have said repeatedly, but he has been deaf to it because he says he sees my "potential". Bad timing. He is getting older and really wants to retire. I feel guilty that he put so much faith in me, but I have NEVER told him I was anything but a designer for him, and I have kep saying OVER and OVER again that tha is all I could promise to be. He is trying to set this company up as a "legacy" a model business that can carry on without him. Great in theory, but time is not on his side, both with his age catching up and my kids growing so slowly and the Island not fast to accept new ideas..... I feel for him, but I need to worry about MY life too! It is something that is icky but true.
Hey! and I don't need to feel bad about my absolutely-fabulous-design-helper-dude being left in the lurch by my decision, because he has decided to move FORWARD with his career by moving to Victoria! Good for him! I am so proud of him! (He was just wonderful telling me as gently as he could) Ambition! is something he needs more of and something as drastic as leaving his home-town might be just the shake up he needs. He is so talented! Like a nicely tuned engine revving away on an engine stand he needs a purpose, a car with a steering wheel and accelerator pedal! Good for him! It's funny that he waited until AFTER I said I was leaving for him to say he was leaving. I am so glad he isn't just fading away, and is actually going somewhere. I dare say my hubby will be happy..... though I will miss the guy terribly. Super-fun to be around!
Very Scary Friday!
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