Equilibrium

All my adult life I have struggled to find that balancing place....

Career - Creativity - Family Care - Socializing - Intimacy - Housework - Learning/Self Development - Exercise

Sure some of these things can co-exist peacefully and be combined, but too many times it seems that if one area is doing well something else suffers.

The last few days are good examples....

I have a nice big graphic's project coming along.... and no desire to cook or clean (or even be interrupted), so beware children, mommy is in a frenzy at the computer, so don't make me ask for your lunch box twice!

BUT

It was Stevie's 14th birthday yesterday (gasp 14!) and he asked for a special German dinner feast -- the birthday pig always gets to choose the menu. Rouladen, Spaetzle dumplings, Brussel Srouts (cooked in beer) and an amazingly complicated dessert called KaseKuchen. I cooked from 9:30 in the morning to get everything just right. It was very good, but the housework and my paying clients had to be put off for a whole day. I hate to admit it but I was a might grouchy by the time bedtime came around!

I have been neglectful in making sure the kids are doing their home work or keeping up with assignments. It's surprisingly painful that decluttering efforts are on pause too. No time to read either.

At least I am being creative, and the husband is being great through this patch AND I was able to make the dinner that Stevie requested. I know it will swing the other way soon enough. The way that I am hyper-focussed on my kid's education and busily running donations to the thrift store with a tidy home, but not a stitch of paying work will happen then and my lack of creative outlet always causes other side effects.

Why does it always happen like that?

It's almost like I have 2 lives trying to run at once in a 3 legged race, and they can't ever run at the same speed so there is tripping and flailing...

Look at me whining.

Honestly, life is really very good, and some stress proves that you are alive, right?!

Meteorologist Nightmare

This weather is really confusing me.

Lets be sunny! Okay, mmmm.... warm and lovely.
OH! Nix that, rain, wind and chill-to-the-bone today... fooled you, I bet you thought it was Spring!
Ta-da!!!! Sunny this morning! Let's get relaxed on the porch with a book in the sun... I dare you to have hope for tomorrow's weather.

If I go out today, I better layer up, and pack the umbrella, and put on sunscreen, and not make any plans that can't be changed at the drop of a hat.

Some trickster God is up there playing with us puny mortals... leading us on with hopes of good days and then forcing us to get out the wooly socks and sweaters the very next moment. I can hear the laughter from the heavens right now! Mu-ah-hahahaha!

And the weather man is just shaking his head and sobbing quietly at the futility of a forecast.

Essentials

If I was forced to only have 3 pans, these three would be the ones without a doubt! I use the large pan w/ lid every single day. The big steel pot is the right size for boiling noodles, potatoes, perogies, etc. for my family. It's deep enough for big batches of soups, stews and chili too. A kitchen staple. And last but not least, the cast-iron pan has been lovingly seasoned for the last 16 years and is at that point of perfection that makes it so much better than teflon. Grilled cheese sandwiches and eggs are made for this pan, they simply taste best from that classic pan.

Yep. These 3 pans are the foundation of my kitchen.

Now I feel like cooking.

Holding On

I have a National Geographics collection.

As a kid I would pour over each picture and article for ages, marvelling over the the rest of the world as seen through National Geographic's articles.

My collection takes up almost 20% of my office bookshelves.

Stay? or  Go?

I have to admit, I think it is nice seeing the yellow spines all uniform in size...
but
I also know that if I had that much more space in those shelves, I could reduce my book storage frustration....
but
I have dreams of making collage-fine art one day...
but
Keeping stuff for "one day" is one of the bad clutter habits I am trying to break...

Short term: I will move them to a lower shelf and see if my children like looking at them (like they look at the Popular Mechanics from the 50's that Wolfgrrrl gave me)

Long Term: In 3 months (Mid June) if I haven't rekindled a genuine use for them, I will donate them.

Do you have a collection of items?

Taking Stock

I had to admit this morning that I had lost track of my pantry...

What lurks in the deep recesses of this low cupboard anyhow?

What can I make for dinner without having to go shopping?

How many cans of kidney beans do I have -- enough to make chili?

So I decided to pull everything out and take stock -- literally -- of my "cans" pantry.

I printed out a list of staples, with a line for each can. When I open a can I should be erasing a mark, and likewise when I buy a can, I should add a mark. This system works great when I am the only one adding or taking things from the cupboard... not so great when others are involved, so we'll see how long it lasts this time.

Verdict?

I have a LOT of canned olives and "dinner foundation" soups

No more smoked oysters for a while please (I went through a phase.... then I grew tired of them)

I have no Red Kidney Beans.... sorry, no chili until I get more.

There are some canned fruits that I forgot existed in there.... mango smoothies for breakfast tomorrow!

Dinner Tonight?
Cream of Celery Tuna casserole.

Here is my canned goods pantry as it stands right now:

They don't put THAT in the brochure!

My sister knows I have a love of spheres. She fosters this mini-obsession by occassionally getting me a glass orb, or perfect steel ball....thankfully she seems to know my taste.  This Christmas she got me the holy grail of spheres -- a large crystal ball.

The thing is HEAVY and oh so pretty in my eyes.

Coincidentally, it was my sister that was visiting yesterday when this crystal ball almost changed my future. (Cue: Twighlight Zone theme song)

We were chatting about how her house hasn't sold yet, and what homes she would consider in this neighbourhood when I glanced at the coffe table where my crystal ball was cradled in my lathed, burl maple bowl. I had to blink a few times to try to figure out what was going on.... it wasn't a mirage, the bowl was full of slithering tendrals of white smoke wrapping gracefully and fluidly around the ball!

I quickly knelt down to the crystal ball to figure out what was going on.

The sun had come out, shining through my SouthWest-facing living room windows, it had cast it's rays onto the crystal ball... focussing the warm light into a very concentrated beam onto the side of the bowl. The smell was very nice of maple smoke, and the charred black spot looked potentially menacing.

Hmmm.... a pretty display is dangerous for crystal balls.... no wonder the fortune teller gypsies are always cloaked in dark tapestries, sure the effect may be spooky and serious, but there is a fire hazard with their tools to think of too!

It was at this point that I noticed there was ANOTHER burnt spot 3 inches away. I guess the sunlight was strong enough to get it going, but the good weather wasn't long enough to actually make flames.

I'm glad I was there to catch it. (Now the crystal ball's home is in a spot that can't get direct sunlight) not as prominent in my decor, but much safer.

But isn't it depressing that we have had only TWO sunny afternoons since Christmas?!

IT'S ALIVE!!!!

Good news -- the internet saves the day again, after a thorough search, I found a set of instructions for rebooting the battery. And VOILA! My beloved Mac is alive again.

I now resolve to put it to use.
My youngest son is permitted to watch movies on it, and play with photoshop (7) too.

If he complains at any point that it's "lame", I will admit it's clutter and move on.

YAAAAY!

Do I let go or not?

My beloved Mac Powerbook won't start.

You see, I haven't plugged it in in MONTHS. It serves no real purpose now, except that I love the way it looks and how fast it boots up. It played most movies (but not all) and there are some old games that work on it. It won't go online anymore because not many websites seem compatible anymore, and upgrading it so far would probably be a death sentence for it. The design software on it is antiquated, so I haven't actually done any real work on that laptop in almost a decade (!). I have romantic fantasies about writing my novel on it... it's the same model as Carrie uses in SITC for most of the seasons. It's small, light and quiet.... now it's TOO quiet!

I have a choice now. Let it go to the electronics recycling centre (hard drive lost forever) or buy a new battery for about $40 off eBay and hope that's the problem.

WHAT TO DO!?

Dribble Sploosh -- BANG!

Yesterday was extrememely wet. It wasn't just raining, it was a torrential downpour! Streams ran down the streets, the creeks overflowed their banks and puddle places imitated small lakes.

I was feeling a little couped up, and the kids were being exceptionally bonkers so we decided to try something I have been thinking of since Christmas. We all went to the Rod & Gun Club and checked out the youth program. It was really busy at the R&G! There were events going on in every corner of the facility. It took a bit of searching to find out where we we supposed to be, (everyone was very friendly) and once we found it, we settled in easily with the Youth Coordinator "Fred".

Thankfully the actually area to shoot from is under cover, so we were happy to participate. We helped with the set up, got a lesson in safety and range rules and when everyone (6 youths, 8 parents in all) was focused and alert we were permitted to start firing the .22 calibre long-rifles at the various targets-- tin cans, little orange metal "chickens" and bulls eye paper targets. We all had so much fun! I found out I can't see where I've hit at 25 yards (I needed binoculars to see the little holes in the paper). It was nice that the parents were encouraged to participate in the "youth" program too. Some people brought their own rifles, even a pellet gun, but the club had some good ones to teach from too.

"Fred" went up and down the line sharing tips for better accuracy, correcting our loading techniques and telling us stores about the youth groups. When the targets were all done, a ceasefire was called. Everyone racked their guns and stepped away from the firing line, and we all went out onto the field to help set up again. Happy kids and grownups bragged about grouping on the paper bull's eyes (I was just happy to hit it). Then we went back to the line, went over the rules and made the range "hot" again.

Line it up, Load, Brace yourself, Check Aim, Breathe --- BANG!

It was so cool that as a family we could practice a new skill in a controlled environment. All of the participants were friendly and happy to share their stories. We felt comfortable there, and really welcome. I was delighted that the equipment provided was easy to use and the range fees are very reasonable, cheaper than going to the pool! And WAY cheaper than a movie! The boys soaked it up like a sponge. I was worried that they might find the structure of a range too boring after plinking at their Uncle's property this Summer.... I guess the thrill of making noise and knocking things down is good anywhere.

But it was still raining cats and dogs, and after 2 hours the chill had got to my bones even under cover. We helped with the cleaning up, and "Fred" told us we could come back anytime. We will. We signed up for an annual family membership that includes the access to all the youth programs. Archery, Orienteering, Outdoor Survival Skills, Fishing Workshops, (of course) the .22 Long Rifle Youth Program and more....

I am happy that my children are learning something real. Sure computer games foster hand-eye coordination, but feeling the kick, hearing the noise, experiencing the reality of the weight and tactile experience of a real thing, getting cold and wet and learning to respect it all in a serious way --  in my opinion -- is very healthy.

As with other potentially dangerous things (like the dirtbikes) I believe -- to the core of my being --  that the best way to avoid accidents is to learn to respect and handle the object in a safe manner at a young age. They will be seeing guns again, Uncle and Grandpa both hunt, so I want them to be safe around them.

Would you do the same?

Clutter Creep

I am have success preventing clutter-creep. My awareness of what space an object will take up is much better than it was, so I find I am bringing way less into the house (therefore the space/stuff balance is getting lighter!).

The other day I was dropping off a bag of donations to the thrift store and I saw six antique, red-glass pedestal dishes that perfectly match the set of small glasses I got from my grandpa when he passed on. I instantly fell in love, but then I really thought about what my china cabinet looks like... exactly the right amount of things in it... and walked out of the store.

However, when I got home I still was thinking about them (I knew I must really want them). So I went through the china cabinet and got rid of 6 items to see if I wanted to make way for the new items.... Not easy, but I managed to avoid all of T's grandma's china in the process (China that we actually use for every big family dinner). I was comfortable with my choices, but slept on it. 2 days later I went back to the thrift store to see if the glasses were still there. Then I got brazen: "can I get a discount if I buy all 6?" I asked. The clerk agreed (it was the manager and she knows I'm a regular, so I knew my chances were good). She gave me way more of a discount than I was expecting, so I felt very good about my decision. Now they are clean and in my cabinet with Grandpa's red glasses and T's Gandma's china and the cabinet looks good! I will have to have a fancy dinner to celebrate, the successful implementation of my one-in-one-out rule.

Otherwise, I have been sorting my bedroom with a fine tooth comb, being very picky... some belts, scarves, more shirts and pants and miscellaneous crap have been outed. And even a bedspread and some throw pillows that were under the bed. I still have the dream of putting a dresser in the closet to clear a corner beside the bed... but it's so convenient having my PJs in the drawer right there next to me as I climb into bed.... it may remain a dream for this house...(it would be different if I had a walk in closet).

I am pressuring my oldest to let go of some toys this Spring Break too. He admitted he doesn't really care about toys anymore, so I will try to make it worth his while to let go of them.

Books are still overrunning my house. They are everywhere. I love reading when I get a spare moment, but I am finding a shift lately. There are too many pressures to read with all these unread books around. There are some I think I SHOULD read, some that I WANT to read and some that I want to read again... then there are the very very pretty books that I have because they are just so pretty. And the fun books that are so old that they are interesting just because they are so different. If I am honest with myself, I actually NEED very few of these books, and many of them do not in fact enrich my life enough to be worth the stress-inducing, tottering piles mingled with dog hair and dust. So, though I have already pared down (and donated to the school and library) I think there needs to be more so I can love them without reservation again.

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH....

Lying in Bed -- awake

Because my husband gets up at 4am to go to work, (and because he wakes up too easily if I come to bed after him) I tend to go to bed as soon as I have the kids put to bed (aka very early).

Most nights I have time to lie with my thoughts for quite a while with the ambient sound of T's freight train snoring before I can sleep (how many nights can you enjoy 10+ hours of sleep consecutively?) So going to bed very awake is "normal" for me.

Now, what would you do if you were forced to be quiet and dark for at least an hour every night? (Think back to when you were a child with a bedtime).... Well, personally, I do a lot of planning.

I plan meals, I plan minor renovations, I plan what work to do the next day, I plan my next blog post (but usually forget the details by morning). Not only do I plan the realistic things, I also plan ambitious exercise regimes, drastic diet changes, revolutionary parenting strategies, how I'd spend the lottery jackpot, and how I'd deal with thousands of fictional scenarios... it's an endless thing to do!

Other than planning I can re-visit, digest and thoroughly appreciate a whole lot of movies and shows and books I've read in the past... I actually enjoy that.

Something I learned I can NOT do is dwell on the past. Could-have, would-have and should-have are a BAD idea when I'm trapped in the bed, in the dark. So I keep the thought streams creative, positive and mostly inconsequencial.

I do have to be careful (especially with the endlessly interesting "what-if" plots) I can get myself too worked up or excited or detailed -- then I can't sleep. It's a balancing act to prevent boredom but maintain peaceful calm conducive to sleep.

Over our many years with this schedule, we have tried other things. Reading lights and page turning are irritating to my sleep-deprived husband. Quitely watching a chick-flick movie doesn't seem to bug him, but then my neck gets cricked and the shuffle when I turn the equipment off is disruptive. MP3 players are no good either.... so until I can get a perfectly silent bookreader that I can read without emmitting light, I guess I'm out of luck for entertainment other than my own thoughts.

Sometimes I do long for the way my parents' had it though. They would tuck the kids in and then retreat to the living room to just be a couple for a couple hours before bed... I think that would be very nice indeed. But my system has it's benefits too.

"Owning Within my Means"

Well, my 38th year of life quietly slipped off into history, and I do actually feel wiser this year! I managed to get through the whole birthday scene with only a few non-consumable presents, and still didn't feel neglected or forgotten! I guess I'm not a kid anymore, it really is the thought that counts. The emails, phonecalls and spontaneous visits meant more than anything. And with that small victory over accumulating STUFF in mind, I was happy to find a well written post today....


I wish I could say I thought it up, "owning within my means" but I got this phrase from Raptitude.com.
This guy has got it together!


I love the dream of having no "homeless" items in my house. In summary, David says:

"After a lot of tossing, selling and donating, everything I own now has a place where it is properly, officially away. A place where:

- I always know where it is
- I don’t have to move a bunch of crap to get to it
- It doesn’t look ugly or get in the way
- I can put it away in less than ten seconds

AND his list of side 11 effects for "Owning within my means" sounds wonderful!

1) Cleaning the house takes five minutes...
2) My mind is much clearer at home...
3) I’m not embarrassed to have people over. ..
4) Time seems to have grown out of nowhere. ..
5) Cooking is a much more attractive proposition...
6) I can’t distract myself from proceeding with the rest of my life anymore...
7) All my affairs are much more organized, by association...
8 ) I can have good-quality versions of almost everything...
9) My self-esteem made an unexpected jump...
10) I am calmer.... [this one I am most relating to] ...I never realized the agitating effect that homeless stuff has on the mind. There’s this mild but always-present feeling that something is unresolved, because we only leave things lying around under the pretense that they’re only going to be there temporarily. But the resolution never comes, because the homeless objects have no place to go. I don’t want to beat this point to death but it’s unbelievable what a huge mental weight is released when there are no more “fish out of water” like this.
11) I love waking up, even on weekdays.

...Best domino effect ever."

So, I recommend going to that Raptitude link above and reading the whole post... he hit the nail on the head for how I'm feeling about my extra stuff these days. But I think its simply amazing he was able to do all this in 30 DAYS! I'm already a year into the process!


I can honestly say I am NOT "owning within my means" yet. There are way too many items that are homeless and crashing on the horizontal surfaces in my home. In fact I am looking at a stack of magazines, computer disks and no less than 5 kids of scented handcreams on my desk right now. EEEEK I better get to it!


*****
PS I got rid of my 50lb CRT monitor from 2001 today. I had enough of the spontaneous colour change and wiggly lines, and took it to the electronics recycling centre. It was my "palettes" monitor, the secondary one on my desk.... but making a really annoying buzzing noise and BIG.