May 8th!

And for my very first trip off of the Canadian soil to which I was born, we are going to the very cradle of Western Civilization --- ITALIA! My passport is in, my husband is coming to grips with the idea and my friends that I am travelling with know what they are doing ---- ANDIAMO!

May 8th Leave Vancouver 18:55 - Amsterdam --> Rome, arrive 19:30



a little side trip to Ostia Antica

May 12th Rome --> Venice

May 15th Venice --> Stresa

May 16th Stresa --> Milan

May 17th Milan --> Monterosso, Cinque Terra

May 20th Monterosso --> Florence

May 22nd I leave DREADFULLY early from Florence via Amsterdam and back home.

"sorprendente, meraviglioso, formidabile, incredibile"

Hair today..... Gone tomorrow

I'm actually doing it!!!!

As you know when dad passed away, WAY back in 1990 I had someone shear my hair off. It was a spiritual cleansing of sorts (though I didn't realize it at the time) and that dramatic act helped my mourning process.

I cut my hair short after Cammy was born too... a act of rebellion against being in my 30s! And though I never thought I would want short hair again, I have found a cause (2 actually).

#1 - I don't want to take care of my LONG hair in Italy. great gobbs of shampoo, intensive conditioning and hours of drying time not to mention the getting the knots out, trying to keep the wild strands out of my eyes and mouth and other annoying things that go along with hair of any length!

#2 - My hair is natural, it is long and it is valuable in its own way. I want to finally do something for cancer fundraising.

So those 2 reasons add up to getting up the courage to lop it ALL off for a good cause! I am going to register this little activity as "Hair today...Gone tomorrow" with the Canadian Cancer Society, so people will be able to donate online, and I have a hairdresser already lined up, a professional photographer willing to do the shots, and the Downtown Partnership willing to help me make a big deal of it, with press-releases and everything!

Happy coincidence that April is the cancer society's fundraising month, and I NEED to get it done before we leave.

I am actually getting nervous about how big this could be. All for a haircut. BUT cancer drastically changed my life once, and my sister's sister in-law just had a diagnosos of a rather aggressive breast cancer. She very quickly was sent in for a double mastectomy and will be undergoing the horrible radiation treatment, and all that implies.

She is a young woman!

She has 2 very young kids that are confused and scared of the drastic tranformation in their mommy, and a husband that is doing the best he can with a very real threat of being a widower/daddy looming over all of them!!!!

The tragic truth is it could be any of us, we could go at any time. Suddenly in an accident, or slowly having our bodies betray us. Its a sobering thought, and it makes me want to LIVE while I am alive!

I am bucking my hair off, it seems lame in comparison.

Visual DNA

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Camalot

Hey there Camalot! This post is for you.

The photo in the other post is of Piper's Lagoon in the early summer/late spring when all the rare wildflowers were in bloom.

The portrait Cammy took of me was actually from the last time you were in Canada! (Its the roof of your mom's car in the background, I think).

I am SO HAPPY you stop by to read! I hope you email me soon about your latest adventures in househunting and rock climbing!

A little bit of fiction

I woke up this morning WAY before my alarm was due to go off thanks to a rather nasty nightmare. Not that there were Zombies or swarms of man-eating insects or anything, it was just WAY TOO REAL !



Scene:



I am at a Cnadian Tire getting something at the sporting goods counter (not too realistic yet), within sight is another till in the paint section and the cashier's line up there is about 30 people long, but she can't see it because it is going around a display and all the way down the aisle.... In my very short line I get to the till and tell the rather dull looking young man that he should help all those customers. He shrugs and smacks his gum, "its not my till" and he takes my payment.


Suddenly the scene changes and I am at some cafeteria (I think its the college) and I am doing a referral/interview for an ex-coworker over lunch, the person I am talking about is morphing back and forth between two young men (one illustrator that I got quite close to like a brother, and he was just as annoying as real kin too! The other was a more recent designer that I worked right beside for over a year, very easy going) So really the interview is not following any logic, but it is a happy conversation about worthwhile people.


Suddenly it is time to go, and the need to leave becomes urgent! I grab my oldest son (he appeared as though he was there all along) I hurry down some stairs, out the doors, down some more stairs, around the building, through the parking lot, across a field and I see my youngest son with his buddy. The campus is very busy and full of strangers so I call out for Cam to come. He doesn't even turn my way, but I can see he has a big smile and is focused on his little friend, I call out again loudly and urgently as the crowds fill in the space between us. His friend turns and runs the other way and Cam follows without even a pause! They both dash around the corner of the landscaped grounds and I break into a run after him, calling for Stevie to keep up!!!!! Cam is running really fast and I run desperately to keep him in sight without losing Stevie behind me, at last I catch him by the arm and throw him to the grass I am terrified and angry and exhausted and embarassed all at once!!!!! (that is the realistic part) And I am scolding him for not listening and running away and I wake up in a cold sweat severely frustrated and worried about what "could have" happened.



**** wouldn't it be nice if we could just tie them up for a little while???*****

I saw what time it was, cursed under my breath and decided I really didn't want to fall asleep again after that horrible experience. It was too close to what happens every time I take my little monsters into public. 9 out of 10 times I end up barking out "no"s, having to restrain them or simply being horribly embarassed by my very very rude children. I age a full year with every shopping trip with them together. THAT is why it was such a scary dream. Can you all relate with the nightmare, or is it just me?

Anyways, I am out of bed, shaking off the cobwebs and coming to grips with the fact that Cam isn't REALLY in trouble at all and I start thinking about reality and perception of reality.

My dreams are very real to me -- for better or worse.

One case in fact is when I have a dream about having feelings for someone that isn't my husband! I am wracked with guilt for AGES afterwards, and I am sure T picks up on the vibe.

Its fiction, a bit of a cruel joke that my subconcious plays on me.

**** Cammy's portrait of me as I was buckling him into the car ****

I feel sorry for people that don't remember their dreams, but sometimes they cause trouble!

My blogger "friend"

I don't search for people, but there is one person that I came across on recommendation from a friend. I think I have said thank you to her already.

We have a lot in common, first names for example.

We also both have 2 sons and stay home to care for them, there is the daily trials of healthy menus, housecleaning, balancing their playdates, video games and homework and trying to maintain a sense of "self" among all the responsibilities for everyone else. There are similar worries associated with trying to raise them right (with the cooperation of a husband that isn't always on the same page)!

Other than our geographical distance to each other there is only one glaring difference -- our relationships with the Mother-in-Law. I have been blessed with a caring, gentle, supportive and creative female influence in my life and was smart enough to marry her son! This other blogging stay at home mom has the opposite relationship. She married the right man, but his mother invited herself along with more emotional baggage than an international airport at Christmas! She invited herself to live in their home and was maliciously working very hard to tear the marriage apart with guilt jealousy and just plain underhanded tactics! I have to hand it to the blogger mom, she is made of gentler stuff than I! She has accomodated this invader at every turn! The situation is complicated as any family matter is, I won't go into details, but suffice it to say she was handling it in a very smart way. She had to stop writing her blog for a bit, and then it hit me..... ..... ..

... ... I miss her! I think of this person on the other end of the continent as a friend. (!) I am surprised that I could genuinely care about this person's life, how they are doing and what they are up to. Blogging to me is a way to keep up with my friends that are not right beside me anymore, but this is a whole new level. This is not someone that I have real contact with, not someone that I know the sound and look of, not someone that I share a history with..... but somehow by reading her blog all this time I feel that I do know her and even though she doesn't have MY history, I know know some of hers and it is dear to me. It feels a little sneaky even a little bit wrong, but alas it is the truth.

This must be why internet dating can work. It seemed insane to me that you could get an emotional attachment with the person typing the words you read. Where are the physical cues, the verbal inflections and the facial expressions that lead to better understanding? Sarcasm is lost in type, emotions are toned down, commas in the wrong place change the sentences entirely!

You know maybe if I met this lady in real life we wouldn't have time to talk or have milk and cookies or set a playdate up for our kids, we probably wouldn't have time to know each other at all.... so I have to say "THANK YOU BLOGGER" I met someone worth knowing and I enjoy knowing her and wish her the best!!!!!

Musings for a Thursday Morning

"Don't aim for success if you want it; just do what you love and believe in, and it will come naturally."
~David Frost

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I had so MUCH fun at Zoe's birthday! What joy to be surrounded by people that love the same people that I love! Music, food, laughter and stimulating conversation revolving around a particularly beautiful and charming baby girl.... sigh.... I am so glad I could be there.

The boys had a blast, and I think T had fun too. He really likes grandpa B, and got a chance to talk to him a few times. And I think Shawn deserves a medal for all the eggplant and the red pepper dips! mmmmmmmmm, I must have the recipes. Kim, did you get the recipe for the yam scones too????? drooooooool. The cupcakes, cookies and banana bread alone were worth the drive there and back! The boys keep talking about it too, particularly Cameron (who got "does not yet meet expectations" on the music portion of his report card ) Okay, okay, I have to stop talking about that evening, I could go on for a long time going over every wonderful moment -- in a nutshell, it was pretty much perfect. (Except poor Tai being green under the gills, woe of woes.)

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My business is dragging its feet these days, and actually we could probably be more accurate in saying I am dragging my feet on my business these days. There is just so much else to think about! Particularly the travelling! Oh I can barely think of anything else!

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Trumpeter Swans just winged past my window, I love it when they stop by on their way north.

I think living between a lake and a wetlands and within earshot of natural fields has to be one of the best places to live.

Aside from the cougar sightings (missing cat posters usually precede the posted warnings) and black bears and deer, there are a host of non-mammalian residence that are more vocal: chirping frogs, and crickets, water birds and songbirds of every kind -- from the tiny yellow finch, the noisy pheasant, to the impressive great blue heron, swans, geese and ducks, and all the birds of prey that follow each of them. Its a feast for the eyes and ears everyday and no 2 days of the year the same! Its heaven to me.

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The crazy weather sure has been keeping us guessing, eh?
Snow in the morning, but warm and sunny by afternoon, blowing dark grey clouds dumping record rains and then some fog for good measure. Whatever, that's the west coast of BC in Springtime for ya! Just don't forget to pack your rainslicker, snowboots, and sunscreen if you are leaving the house!

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I had a meeting at the schoolboard office about Steve's special learning challenges. I tried to see it as a positive thing, but it really came across as an "us against them" thing. When the Learning Assistance teacher is arguing with the Pediatrician, its never a good thing. The Doctor has her medical background to make her arrogant, and the LA teacher has her years of working face to face with these children day in and day out to make her feel like she's right! Both valid perspectives, too bad they couldn't agree.

In short, it was agreed that Steve is grouchy about school and not enjoying as many successes as he should. He has begun the psych-ed testing that he has been waiting for since grade 1 (now in grade 4) and the results show him right in the "normal" range of comprehension and IQ. So that's good news, right? Maybe not! You see he is smart enough to get the right answer, but his PROCESSING speed is really put him at a disadvantage to his peers. And that doesn't show up on the scores, the gap WILL get worse as he is asked to do work faster and faster... but he may not receive help from the school board because his scores show up as "average". What is the solution? There is none. Help is of course given prioritized by need, and the resources are limited. As a not-too-bright kid with ADHD he is higher on the list than a bright kid with ADHD.

T may be right after all, Steve may just hate school and drop out as soon as he can to find a career that fits his brain better, school is not designed for ADHD. The repetition and pencil to paper required is more than just torture, it is IMPOSSIBLE for him. Something I personally have a hard time grasping.... poor guy!

I wish I had the stamina to home-school. But honestly, I just want to wring his little neck when I try to do homework with him! So I am definity not the one to be teaching him for hours a day.

What to do?

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Nice birthday

I had a pleasant birthday. It started a bit earlier (last weekend) at Sylvia's where T and I shared a birthday party with his family.... cake, homemade pizza and presents, loads of fun.

On the actual day, my kids were singing happy birthday to me at the most horrible time of the morning, but they did NOT jump on me in bed so I thank them for that much.

T had left a present and card on the breakfast table and when it was time to drive to the school I noticed he had scraped the frost off my windshield too (very thoughtful). Got to the school and talked to the school councillor about Steve's sudden hatred of school.... she figures he is a smart boy that isn't seeing many successes at school and therefore is bored and frustrated. Actually she said all the right things, and I left feeling like an advocate for my son's wellbeing -- very constructive.

Then I got to mosey to the North end of town for a fun networking lunch. Just sandwiches, but the meeting was interesting. After that I went to get myself a membership at that "big box" membership warehouse -- you know the one. My present to myself! And very quickly spent $200..... all usable stuff.

T made an amazing dinner for me and the boys.... oh he did a great job with the best ingredients and caring preparation.... mmmmmmm!

Then I had control of the remote control all night. It was nice.... I bored them all with home-improvement shows!

Friday a client of mine took me out for lunch (Vietnamese) and gave me flowers.

AND Saturday night (last night) Russ came over and babysat while T and I went to a movie and dinner! So it was a long birthday and now I am 35.

Do I feel sorry for myself because of my age? Heavens no! I feel like I am aging fine and I really am enjoying the freedom that experience brings!