Still Here

I was so hoping for something meaningful and insightful for this post, but my brain isn't there right now... wish me luck. There is nothing profound to report in my household (and that is a blessing really).

I want to get the Christmas cards out this week. I love getting cards, so I better love sending them too! Especially time is of the essence for the ones to England.... I am still planning 100% to go there in the Spring and see my grandma's cousin and one friend that moved there (who now has KIDS that I've never met). I fantastic development is that my sister's husband has backed out of the idea of coming along with her kids! He did the math and it was terribly prohibitive to have 4 people go there for 2 weeks (especially when their daughter is too young to even remember it for long)... very good news for me and my sister, now we can go back to the original plan of 10 days, only night of which is at a cottage B&B somewhere pretty, while the rest are couch surfing with my friend and relative.

The Christmas shopping is somewhat under control... of course I cannot divulge details here, but my sister and mother are the only real super-challenges (what do you get people that get what they want as they want it?).

Less fun, school is painful and uncomfortable to my boys in a way that breaks my heart.... after all I liked school for the most part, and thrilled at the challenge of getting better grades. My boys just aren't getting that. And they think they have a better idea of what to do with their time than doing what the teacher is asking them to do (poor teachers are quite powerless against the wills of modern children). As a result they do not enjoy the lessons, and then fall behind on the related assignments and then conveniently don't tell me that anything is amiss.

Sigh.... I am not sure if it's my job to FORCE them to do it (very painful and terrible for me and them) or to let them learn from their own mistakes through missed opportunities and lowered expectations (more painful to them, and one heck of an ego-destroyer). On the bright side, they are GOOD boys and friendly and bright in the subjects that interest them.

Other than school, the bedroom reno is painfully slow. I ripped up part of the carpet and now my back is really hating me right now. It's cursing at me, poking and pinching me and generally being really unpleasant to be with.

T is stuck in the garage working on the neighbour's car, and has a freelance hydraulics job waiting on his bench too. It means extra money for Christmas, but less "free time" to work on the bedroom! Meanwhile the house is still chaotic, and I am still frustrated by that.

you know, I almost need a ruthless third party to come in and help. Maybe I should ask for a professional organizer for Christmas!?

The house was packed to remember my friend's dad. There must have been 700 people there to pay their respects to this fine man that meant so much to my own childhood. The friend standing beside me during the service said it very well. "He made me feel valuable", she said. That's it exactly, he had a gift for making a person feel truly valuable, not just to him, but to the whole world! I have so much more that I could say about him, but suffice it to say that all of the speakers were talking about the same man that I knew, and that was a wonderful, wonderful thing! It was enough to make me cry (again and again).

About the memorial itself, the presentation (both static and moving) was phenomenal! The bereaved friend's husband was invaluable to setting up the stage, and visual and auditory aspects of the service. They had the rare and valuable option of using actual recordings of Mr.B playing the piano (and he was really amazing at that too). It was haunting to hear that familiar sound, but also infinitely comforting that it was not lost forever. It felt like he really was there watching over the event, no doubt smiling and commenting on all the familiar faces and happy associations. It was an army of people that put this event together... all happy to help for the memory of this fine citizen. How wonderful to have known him!

.....

I think I need another little cry for my friend's loss of her dad, my mother-rolemodel's loss of a husband, and the world's loss of a really good person.... lots more can be said... but not here...

....

This and That

Along with the grief and reflexion that has been on the forefront of my mind these days, I have had to stay in the present with keeping up with housework, satisfying clients, caring for kids (and dog) and I have been asked to think of the near future with making solid commitments around Christmas.

And mixed in with all that stuff has been my book idea. I lie in bed thinking about it.... if I could type while laying there, I'd probably be halfway done! As it is I have a whopping 9 pages... not too impressive. But also whilst waiting for sleep to come, I thought of another (much smaller) book aimed at the 8-12 year old group. This one is more of the escape/fantasy/adventure genre, and would probably be best for girls (no princesses appear, but it could still work).

I am way over my head for ideas.

Christmas is looming, and there are many youngin's on my shopping list! And the grown ups are even more challenging!

And then there are the unfinished projects that MUST be finished before the tree goes up.... my dressers are in the living room right now. Thanks to the Thanksgiving Sale at a local flooring place last month, we purchased cork flooring for the master bedroom! And then got paint. So all but the bed went out to the living room, and the bed got shoved out to the middle of the room and the paint made it on the walls over the course of a couple weeks --a neutral, warm grey kind of colour. And the paint went on so well that we had lots left over, so I painted Stevie's room too (now its no longer a vibrant lime/chartreuse), it looks much more grown up for his approaching teens. The thing is, I don't know how to install the flooring myself (lots of cutting around closets, sliding doors and passage doors), and T has been SO BUSY with other things, so the dressers are just hanging out in the living room indefinitely, and the flooring stays stacked in the foyer. But it really should be done before Christmas, in fact it really HAS to be. I think I may have to call in my stepdad, or pay my carpenter neighbour (the carpenter brother-in-law is too busy these days). It's weird having to go to the living room to get my clothes in the morning.... but on the other hand having a sparse bedroom has been very soothing.

And the car-hunt continues. We just could not get excited about spending SO MUCH MONEY on that grey econo-box, no matter how shiny and new it was. We are holding out for something more interesting, even if it's older and with more miles on it. Maybe an Audi, a VW Passat or a BMW!!!! There are candidates on the web-classifieds, but they are all significantly out of town and would involve an entire day of coordinating and travelling to go look at. WHO HAS TIME FOR THAT?! Meanwhile the reliable little Golf keeps getting us where we want to go cheaply, and we just try to ignore the saggy headliner, and all the rattles and squeaks, and the ugly rust on the wheel wells.... by exercising patience we have more money to spend when we find the right car.

So now I better do some more of those things that must be done... there is dinner to think about, laundry to put away, sweeping to do, bathrooms that need a good scrubbing, and a story that's not going to write itself!!! (Oh ya, I guess I should do some work too).

Positive Influence

It has been a hard couple of days....

Someone that was a very positive role model in my childhood has passed away suddenly. Tears are close to the surface at every moment right now.

This man was my best friend's dad.

I spent every moment I could at their house between the ages of 9 and 14 years old! I would walk over there by 7:30 am and greet my friend as she started her day. Even at that hour, her mom was always good to me. And I would walk home with my bestest friend after school and stay until I HAD to go home at 4:30 every afternoon. I would take sleepovers every chance I could and spent most daylight weekend hours there too. The house rules were strictly enforced, but fair, and good times were easy with good company. They tolerated a lot from me, but I can honestly say I think I have become a better person through their influence. Bless them, I never felt I had overstayed my welcome!!!!

Their home was much cheerier than mine -- and I'm not just talking about light and decor -- the whole aura of the place was happier than the unstable place I was being raised in. Nobody yelled, nobody cussed, nobody drank, nobody fought, the house was never cold nor unfriendly. The Mom was taking care of house and home, the Dad was working at (what appeared to me) a job he got joy from, and the house had music and dancing and home-cooked meals and all the things we want when we are kids. Later in life, when I was having a severe bout of depression and a parenting-identity crisis, my councellor asked where my parenting ideals came from. I discovered that I was trying to be my friend's mom, and wanted my husband to be like my friend's dad. That was a healing revelation, and I got so much better after that! I had a clearer picture of what I wanted to be instead of the muddled, angry, inconsistent images of my mom and step-mom.

But I get off track. The man who is gone was loved by the community, loved by his family and loved by anyone who was fortunate enough to spend a few cheery occassions with him.

So this Remembrance Day I took a drive North, and remembered a man that was good to me when I needed it. A man that raised one of my favourite people in the whole world. I played dolls with his granddaughter (who is three) and thought how wonderful it is that he got to meet her, I hugged his wife (the mom I admire) so hard that I thought I could squeeze the very ache of our hearts, and I cried in the arms of my friend to wash some of the pain together. It's not enough, I could do that for a month and it wouldn't be enough, but it's a start.

Art of the Cocktail

Finally I found a fantastic iron-clad reason to socialize with my darling friend in Vic and treat her to something different at the same time!

I have a client that is a bar supplies retailer, and he was a sponsor to the event which is the very first Art of the Cocktail based on a New Orleans event. Recipes, products and lectures all around the theme of high-end cocktails and mixology for 3 days (but I only went to a sliver of it -- Sunday's tasting).

You know what? It was really alright!

I LOVED getting to spend some time with my beautiful friend and I can't think of anyone I would rather share that event with! She oozes sophistication and learnedness at this sort of thing (I admit "oozes" and "sophistication" are not very good together, but you get the idea, right?). I felt smarter, just being near her at the supreme-grade vodka tables! There was also a "mix-off", kind of like an iron-chef contest where the contestants had a short time frame to come up with something delicious featuring the theme and secret ingredient. The theme was Pacific Northwest and the ingredient that had to be used was CEDAR! What a challenge (firstly because it's not really a food, secondly because it's not even usually a garnish)!

There were seven contestants and they all came up with something amazingly different and complex. The MC of the even was The Thirsty Traveler, host, Kevin Brauch, (Thirsty Traveller is "a weekly journey into the heart of the world's greatest wine, beer, and spirit producing regions" according to Wiki). He is an animated host! And my darling friend (the smart pretty connoisseur ) recognized him at once! She was uncharacteristically shy, so I poked him on the shoulder to say "hi" and he just reached around and did a GRIP AND GRIN almost faster than I could get the button pressed! Poor dear was taken by surprise and there was no chance for a better pic (sorry).

We had fun despite unflattering photos and carried on to enjoy the tastings and the seminars (and the excellent company!).

At the end of the event the volunteers gave is a ride home. Then I hang out at her place until I had thoroughly recovered from the tasting. Then I made for home.... I tell you what 7pm on a Sunday is an AMAZING time to drive over the Malahat! The weather was great and I felt like I practically had the highway to myself up to Mill Bay (good thing too, because that stretch of road can make me so nervous).

I was home in time to see some TV with the family before bed. All good!

Buried in Grime

This house has become unbearable!!! SERIOUSLY!

There is nowhere for me to put my eyes EXCEPT the computer screen in this house, that is not chaotic and dirty and I am so fed up with it. I actually closed my eyes in despair and futility when I was searching for a slip of paper in the family room

The truly depressing part is that we do clean ALL the time. T vacuums and sweeps every single day (sometimes twice). He also thoroughly cleans the kitchen after every dinner, and tries to keep the boys picking up their toys. The bathrooms get a once over every weekend and I do a load (or 3) of laundry almost daily.

For example.... I vacuumed the entrance just before heading upstairs to make dinner and RIGHT NOW (less than 2 hours later) my dutiful husband is sweeping in there, and getting LOTS of hair and dirt for his efforts.

Oh I am not sure how much longer I can take it.... how much effort is expected to keep some standard better than gross??? Some level of surface maintenance that doesn't make you want to keep shoes on?!

The d-o-g is the primary offender here. I know it's true. Sure the cat is fuzzy, but her contribution is undetectable compared to the hair explosion that comes off the canine. The boys leave dirty socks and TOYS TOYS TOYS everywhere in the house, and toothpaste and overspray in the bathroom, and the yard is a mess (a whole other rant).... knowing its just as bad outside, it adds to the frustration to be sure.

I am no neat freak, but I am really resenting the endless dog hair in every nook and cranny, in my bathwater, in the cupboards, under every bit of furniture and drifting onto every flat surface..... then there is the grit too, surprising quantities of it downstairs and a large amount of it somehow gets upstairs too. I'm at my wit's end with it and sometimes regret getting this friendly, well behaved beast.

Add the piles of paper, the little pointy toys that sneak underfoot, the overflowing cupboards and closets, the nasty disarray on every surface....

Right now, I hate it. I never feel like I can catch up let alone maintain my level of comfortable cleanliness, I don't know what I am doing wrong... maybe I need to have an attitude adjustment and just EXPECT that cleaning will be a major chunk of my day (all day) and/or learn to embrace the organic aspects of dog ownership even as I pull the stray hairs out of my toothpaste cap in the evening? (the dog isn't even allowed in the bedrooms, how the hell does dog hair end up in the en suite?!)

sPOOKTACULAR hALLOWEEN

The boy-ninjas next to their own jack-o-lantern creations....

It was a rare treat to have the dry evening for trick-or-treating, they made the best of it and brought in quite a haul of loot.