This is the first time in 15 years that the weather is forecast as pleasant for March 29th around here. How do I know that for sure? Because Steve's 1st birthday party was outside and lovely (as in no coats required lovely!), and this one (his 16th birthday) coming up this weekend is also supposed to be lovely. Every birthday in between has been shockingly cold and generally very wet.
I am looking forward to this. Winter was gloomy (though not particularly harsh), but I'm still glad to see spring again!
So I have been a mom 16 years as of Friday. There have been ups and downs and seriously tough times, but all in all I wouldn't trade it for the world! There are times when I would not have said that, there were even times when I thought I wanted to run away from it all, but you know what? I am so glad I toughed it out. That little man of mine is pretty awesome in my opinion. A sharp sense of humour, a bunch of interesting skills (like off-road unicycling for example) and he even turned out to be a decent older brother - oh man that was unlikely for a loooong time.
I can love him and have him love me without being his buddy. I was never playmates with my parents, and I'm not sure where that need to play all the time with our kids came from. But it's there! I felt guilty that I didn't want to play with them every waking minute. Not to say I never did! I sat on the floor building lego, and I mushed my fair share of play-do too. I just thought he needed to be able to get on without me as his 24/7 social director, y'know? Ocassional disapointment can foster an internal strength, of that I am sure. As tempting as it was to always be there to protect him, I learned a while back that he had to stumble and fall once in a while to really develop his own sense of self-preservation.
And isn't that what growing up really is? Making decisions and living with the consequences of those decisions? I don't my kids to grow up feeling like they aren't in control of their own futures and I really don't want them to ever blame any one else for where they are in life.
One of the proudest moments in my son's life so far was when he told me point blank that he didn't want to take the ADHD meds anymore. I didn't want him to make the decision lightly, but he knew exactly WHY he didn't want the drugs. He said "puberty is going to be messing with my brain enough, I don't want to grow up reliant on these things. I really want to be able to find a way to get through school as ME without the drugs". How cool is that?! I still ask him regularly if he wants to try the meds again, but he always refuses.
In all honesty I think that makes him smarter than the doctors and teachers. Those meds may have made school more tolerable (and made him more tolerable to teachers), but it's a false reality. If he wanted to take the drugs for the rest of his life then that would be okay. But he wants to be able to find a field of work that compliments his natural state, not his medicated state. School-life is short, work-life is so very much longer!!!! If he can overcome his challenges at this age, then maybe he'll cope elsewhere too. That's pretty forward thinking for such a young man.
Of course there is the danger that his hard times with school will hinder his prospects at post-secondary or high-end career options. But he is aware that's a risk and he's still adament that he needs to be himself 100% right now and can re-visit the med idea later if he has to.
But, for now, this weekend is my big focus. This kid's 16th birthday weekend is going to be pretty mellow. He has one buddy he wants to take to Wild Play Adventure Park for a climb on the Monkido course (in fact he wants to apply there for a summer job!). Since it's Easter weekend, he has to wait to take his learner's driver's test for Tuesday at the earliest. Yes, that means he will be driving!!!!
But we are ready:
My little BMW won't be subject to the clutch torture of the newbie driver. And our crewcab 4x4 Ford F250 won't be used as a mega-ton-weapon on the roads either. This little VW Fox will be fullfilling it's destiny as a little beater.... this is the car to train our 16 year old with. It is a 4 speed standard transmission, completely gutless and ugly enough not to be a chick-magnet. The perfect "starter car".
BUT he is not getting it as a gift! Right now T is driving it to work to save fuel costs (the difference in fuel costs from the truck more than makes up for the insurance) and he will continue to drive it until Steve gets his "N" drivers license, by which time Steve can chose to buy the car (if he can prove that he can afford insurance, gas and maintenance: AKA has a job). Meanwhile he will have lessons with it as mom & dad's car and will continue to take the school bus and ride his bike around.
I am 100% positive that he will get a job to buy the car if it's important to him.
