Here it is, the day before the last day of 2005.
It will never happen again, it always fills me with a weird feeling when I think about that. But then again, the year is just a marker, a referrence point that everyone can understand and it has no other function.... so its not that sad.
I know everybody and every generation is sure they will witness the end of everything.... my dad learned how to hunt because of that. My grandpa had his own society off the grid. T's folks were self-sufficient growing their own food and no plumbing nor electricity for years in the 70's. Of course I follow that belief too. Maybe it is a way to deal with the temporary mortality? How about the END of the Mayan Calendar in 2012AD? There was that weird thing in the news a couple years back... huge panic over a guy who found a comet heading straight to Earth big enough to cause more destruction that the one that made the gulf of Mexico and liberated the dinosaurs from their mind-bogglingly long time as dominant creatures on our planet. Or the neat magnetic bands that run the center of the fault line at the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean..... it seems every 10000 years or so the magnetism of the Earth switches North to South.... what disaster would THAT spell for our society as we know it?
.....
?
12.30.2005
12.25.2005
Christmas was great!
It's hard to explain, it just happened..... I had a WONDERFUL Christmas 2005!
It started on the 21st when my darling Tai came over and spent the night! We had a nice low-key visit (and she snuck a gorgeous card on my mantle too) and the next day we slipped away for a very tasty lunch at a decidedly-not-kid-friendly popular spot downtown that I almost never got to go to. Thanks Tai for a very nice visit on your way home for the holidays. She is excellent therapy for me. Passionate and full of real life, she knows me almost better than anyone and is my best cheerleader when I need one! Sometimes I forget who I was and settle for who I am now, that is why the longtime friends are more valuable than anything, they remind you of what is important, and where you come from.
"Uncle D" came to visit on the 23rd bright and early. He is staying with us until he has to go back up to Fort St John before New Years. I always love it when he comes to visit. He is 10 years younger than T. As his "baby" brother we love his energy and intelligence. (He is a wingnut living the crazy Northern bachelor life of riding his bike off the roof, dirtbiking all day and getting stuck in the mud at every opportunity! All this in between jobs driving very big machines) He is an effortless house guest. He rarely is around for meals, sleeps in the basement, comes and goes discreetly, keeps the kids entertained ALL the while he is around and is a very nice person to boot. Oh ya, and T is always in a good mood when his brother is in town!
On Christmas Eve Day T and I did a deep clean on the house to prepare for the Christmas mayhem, then the weather cooperated after lunch and we loaded up the dirtbikes for a few terrific hours of riding before dark. T, D, Cam, Steve AND ME! all had wheels. (D always his down!) We zoomed around in a nearby pit that is still open to off road vehicles. FUN was had by all. I couldn't believe how balmy it was, it must have been 16 degrees out there, I was actually comfortable with a light sweater! PERFECT riding weather.
Everyone came home happy and worn out, we had a late Christmas Eve dinner of Soft Tacos... then I let the boys open 1 present (preselected by me). Cam opened a jacket, "ya, this is cool!" was Cam's reponse (bless his little heart, it was a genuine reaction too). Steve was a bit cooler... a look of utter disgust as he tore into the gift and found batman pajamas and a housecoat. He warmed up to them after he tried them on and he even said thank you just before bed admitting "These are actually really nice mom."
My duties as a "Christmas elf" took over as they finally slept....
The stuffing of stockings and cramming of gifts under the tree. A good haul by anyone's standards, but without being an obscene display.
Steve woke in the wee hours to exclaim that something bumped in his room!!!!!! Thankfully the same noise woke me too. No it wasn't Santa, it was Cam's water cup falling off his lofty bed. "back to sleep Steve it's still night time" it comforted him briefly (I confess I am not exactly sympathetic to anyone at 1 am though).
Suprisingly, Cam was the first to rise at a respectable 7am. He didn't even notice the stocking on his doorknob was full until after he trudged bleary eyed into the livingroom and noticed the booty under the tree, and ran back to our room to get us up too. We traditionally let them open their stocking right away, but have to wait for the family to arrive to open the big stuff. A stocking full of hotwheels, atomix and rev-ups all fun little cars, and enough to keep them happy for a long while. Then the troops started.... Grandma and Gramps.
We let the boys open our presents then and it was very nice. The final touch was when T told Steve to "go get his shoes off the front steps before they are ruined!" The trick of course was that Steve's new bike was on the front steps!!! It was great a reaction! Cammy gets Steve's old bike now, but with a cool new seat, handle grips and a new back tire. The boys zoomed around in the pouring rain on their new, slightly too big bikes. They had a blast and wore off some pent up excitement!
After that we all settled into breakfast.... Gramps brought the "platter of death" heaping our plates with bacon, sausages, fried ham and Buckwheat pancakes, and huge double-yoker eggs cooked how you like em.
It was really nice. Then T's sister and husband and their 3 kids arrived. It got crazy for a few hours more as more presents were torn into and played with, more food was eaten and general mayhem. After everyone cleared out at about 1, I stuffed the turkey, put it in the oven and cleaned the house top to bottom for the dinner shift.
People started arriving at 4:45. Grandpa R and Grandma J with their surviving parents. More presents to open more food to eat. Grandma and Gramps returned for dinner and we all ate turkey with all the trimmings! Yum yum and lots of desserts too. It's so nice having family so close!
All in all it never got too crazy, it never got too messy and the dinner turned out great in the end. Very nice Christmas indeed.
It started on the 21st when my darling Tai came over and spent the night! We had a nice low-key visit (and she snuck a gorgeous card on my mantle too) and the next day we slipped away for a very tasty lunch at a decidedly-not-kid-friendly popular spot downtown that I almost never got to go to. Thanks Tai for a very nice visit on your way home for the holidays. She is excellent therapy for me. Passionate and full of real life, she knows me almost better than anyone and is my best cheerleader when I need one! Sometimes I forget who I was and settle for who I am now, that is why the longtime friends are more valuable than anything, they remind you of what is important, and where you come from.
"Uncle D" came to visit on the 23rd bright and early. He is staying with us until he has to go back up to Fort St John before New Years. I always love it when he comes to visit. He is 10 years younger than T. As his "baby" brother we love his energy and intelligence. (He is a wingnut living the crazy Northern bachelor life of riding his bike off the roof, dirtbiking all day and getting stuck in the mud at every opportunity! All this in between jobs driving very big machines) He is an effortless house guest. He rarely is around for meals, sleeps in the basement, comes and goes discreetly, keeps the kids entertained ALL the while he is around and is a very nice person to boot. Oh ya, and T is always in a good mood when his brother is in town!
On Christmas Eve Day T and I did a deep clean on the house to prepare for the Christmas mayhem, then the weather cooperated after lunch and we loaded up the dirtbikes for a few terrific hours of riding before dark. T, D, Cam, Steve AND ME! all had wheels. (D always his down!) We zoomed around in a nearby pit that is still open to off road vehicles. FUN was had by all. I couldn't believe how balmy it was, it must have been 16 degrees out there, I was actually comfortable with a light sweater! PERFECT riding weather.
Everyone came home happy and worn out, we had a late Christmas Eve dinner of Soft Tacos... then I let the boys open 1 present (preselected by me). Cam opened a jacket, "ya, this is cool!" was Cam's reponse (bless his little heart, it was a genuine reaction too). Steve was a bit cooler... a look of utter disgust as he tore into the gift and found batman pajamas and a housecoat. He warmed up to them after he tried them on and he even said thank you just before bed admitting "These are actually really nice mom."
My duties as a "Christmas elf" took over as they finally slept....
The stuffing of stockings and cramming of gifts under the tree. A good haul by anyone's standards, but without being an obscene display.
Steve woke in the wee hours to exclaim that something bumped in his room!!!!!! Thankfully the same noise woke me too. No it wasn't Santa, it was Cam's water cup falling off his lofty bed. "back to sleep Steve it's still night time" it comforted him briefly (I confess I am not exactly sympathetic to anyone at 1 am though).
Suprisingly, Cam was the first to rise at a respectable 7am. He didn't even notice the stocking on his doorknob was full until after he trudged bleary eyed into the livingroom and noticed the booty under the tree, and ran back to our room to get us up too. We traditionally let them open their stocking right away, but have to wait for the family to arrive to open the big stuff. A stocking full of hotwheels, atomix and rev-ups all fun little cars, and enough to keep them happy for a long while. Then the troops started.... Grandma and Gramps.
We let the boys open our presents then and it was very nice. The final touch was when T told Steve to "go get his shoes off the front steps before they are ruined!" The trick of course was that Steve's new bike was on the front steps!!! It was great a reaction! Cammy gets Steve's old bike now, but with a cool new seat, handle grips and a new back tire. The boys zoomed around in the pouring rain on their new, slightly too big bikes. They had a blast and wore off some pent up excitement!
After that we all settled into breakfast.... Gramps brought the "platter of death" heaping our plates with bacon, sausages, fried ham and Buckwheat pancakes, and huge double-yoker eggs cooked how you like em.
It was really nice. Then T's sister and husband and their 3 kids arrived. It got crazy for a few hours more as more presents were torn into and played with, more food was eaten and general mayhem. After everyone cleared out at about 1, I stuffed the turkey, put it in the oven and cleaned the house top to bottom for the dinner shift.
People started arriving at 4:45. Grandpa R and Grandma J with their surviving parents. More presents to open more food to eat. Grandma and Gramps returned for dinner and we all ate turkey with all the trimmings! Yum yum and lots of desserts too. It's so nice having family so close!
All in all it never got too crazy, it never got too messy and the dinner turned out great in the end. Very nice Christmas indeed.
12.09.2005
Starting to panic
Okay.... I dressed really nice, I packed my portfolio and I dropped the kids off at school and my sister's. I was looking to impress my old boss.
He was talking fast and being cute, but I could tell he wasn't knocked-out impressed with my latest work.... and I kept interjecting with comments about how "I WOULD have done this or that different if....." (a big no-no at portfolio showings). Maybe he had his game face on, but the bluff worked, I didn't feel "loved" there. I was relieved when it was over.
THEN I went to another meeting in the same neighbourhood.... it was the polar opposite. I went in thinking he wanted to talk about the mark up and commission structure for designers referring work to his press..... instead he sat me down and asked if I would be interested in doing design for him! He said he liked my style, he wanted to expand that business into more "high-end" design (YAY! I needed that after the let down at the other meeting). He said after Christmas he will talk more, he was serious, I could tell. He mentioned me having my own office downtown, with the opportunity to come and go as I please, and that really does sound nice.
Anyway after that I went for a little bit of shopping (Xmas is coming!), and stopped off at another printers that had a million questions for me. I felt good about that too.
By the time I got home I started feeling a bit of anxiety.
I quit that other client so abruptly that I have a HUGE empty space. It feels so vacant and I panic, and then I remember why I quit and I feel happy and proud, and then I feel panic again because I don't know where the money is going to come from!
I hope my hubby is right and that I can actually pull it together on my own, I hope I am not a fraud plinking away on my little computer at home.... somethimes I feel so out of the loop with the other design community. Maybe I need to enroll in some refresher courses to feel better..... I don't know.
He was talking fast and being cute, but I could tell he wasn't knocked-out impressed with my latest work.... and I kept interjecting with comments about how "I WOULD have done this or that different if....." (a big no-no at portfolio showings). Maybe he had his game face on, but the bluff worked, I didn't feel "loved" there. I was relieved when it was over.
THEN I went to another meeting in the same neighbourhood.... it was the polar opposite. I went in thinking he wanted to talk about the mark up and commission structure for designers referring work to his press..... instead he sat me down and asked if I would be interested in doing design for him! He said he liked my style, he wanted to expand that business into more "high-end" design (YAY! I needed that after the let down at the other meeting). He said after Christmas he will talk more, he was serious, I could tell. He mentioned me having my own office downtown, with the opportunity to come and go as I please, and that really does sound nice.
Anyway after that I went for a little bit of shopping (Xmas is coming!), and stopped off at another printers that had a million questions for me. I felt good about that too.
By the time I got home I started feeling a bit of anxiety.
I quit that other client so abruptly that I have a HUGE empty space. It feels so vacant and I panic, and then I remember why I quit and I feel happy and proud, and then I feel panic again because I don't know where the money is going to come from!
I hope my hubby is right and that I can actually pull it together on my own, I hope I am not a fraud plinking away on my little computer at home.... somethimes I feel so out of the loop with the other design community. Maybe I need to enroll in some refresher courses to feel better..... I don't know.
12.07.2005
News travels fast
I think maybe news can travel FASTER than the speed of light. The Theory of Relativity still applies though, the speed it travels is directly "relative" to how negative it is.
I have already been approached by a former employer to come back to work! I worked for his company starting in 1995 when it was a fledgling business with high hopes. I started him off on Mac's and together we built some amazing projects! I was laid off (a couple times) and kept going back with BIG RAI$E$ to work with new people and new equipment. When times were good they were VERY good, and when times were slow it sucked. But even then, with the energetic drive of the projects and the fun flirting, it always ended up that I didn't like working late and with a family I just got MORE stubborn about it. The last time I worked for him was about 2 years ago on a catalog where he needed some fresh perspectives and his regulars were swamped. In his defence it is very a respected high-end firm. But it was a high-stakes game with every job.
Anyway, he called me on Sunday, he needs a new senior designer and was wondering if I was available for an interview. Flattered, yes I certainly was.
I ALMOST laughed out loud, but I managed to regain my composure in time to say that I would talk to him. So Friday morning I will "discuss" it with him. I will listen out of courtesy and curiousity, and I really do enjoy smiling coyly at him while he tries so deperately to impress me with the high profile clients and the top-of-the-line computer equipment and the number of employees he has under him..... it all means diddly-squat to me but he keeps thinking it is impressive somehow. I always try to change the subject to talk about family and stuff, he is so funny to watch (.... and really very much the type of man that I would classify as handsome). If he wasn't so single-mindedly interested in conquering the Western Hemisphere's design world by force, I probably would have classified him as a "could have been".
But oh my GAWD I am not really interested in that work related punishment again. High pressure deadlines, huge print budgets to mess up, babysitting illustrators and staying up late at the office because so many people can't stay on track during business hours, NO THANKS! You know I probably could slip into that role of high-heels and power-suits, sushi lunches and pizza nights again -- all those things were fun there is no doubt. The money would be good and when I am home its actually home time. BUT putting the kids in daycare FULL TIME gives me a horrible horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach.
Maybe T could be the work at home dad? Fixing motorcycles from the garage part-time?
Nice to have options!
I have already been approached by a former employer to come back to work! I worked for his company starting in 1995 when it was a fledgling business with high hopes. I started him off on Mac's and together we built some amazing projects! I was laid off (a couple times) and kept going back with BIG RAI$E$ to work with new people and new equipment. When times were good they were VERY good, and when times were slow it sucked. But even then, with the energetic drive of the projects and the fun flirting, it always ended up that I didn't like working late and with a family I just got MORE stubborn about it. The last time I worked for him was about 2 years ago on a catalog where he needed some fresh perspectives and his regulars were swamped. In his defence it is very a respected high-end firm. But it was a high-stakes game with every job.
Anyway, he called me on Sunday, he needs a new senior designer and was wondering if I was available for an interview. Flattered, yes I certainly was.
I ALMOST laughed out loud, but I managed to regain my composure in time to say that I would talk to him. So Friday morning I will "discuss" it with him. I will listen out of courtesy and curiousity, and I really do enjoy smiling coyly at him while he tries so deperately to impress me with the high profile clients and the top-of-the-line computer equipment and the number of employees he has under him..... it all means diddly-squat to me but he keeps thinking it is impressive somehow. I always try to change the subject to talk about family and stuff, he is so funny to watch (.... and really very much the type of man that I would classify as handsome). If he wasn't so single-mindedly interested in conquering the Western Hemisphere's design world by force, I probably would have classified him as a "could have been".
But oh my GAWD I am not really interested in that work related punishment again. High pressure deadlines, huge print budgets to mess up, babysitting illustrators and staying up late at the office because so many people can't stay on track during business hours, NO THANKS! You know I probably could slip into that role of high-heels and power-suits, sushi lunches and pizza nights again -- all those things were fun there is no doubt. The money would be good and when I am home its actually home time. BUT putting the kids in daycare FULL TIME gives me a horrible horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach.
Maybe T could be the work at home dad? Fixing motorcycles from the garage part-time?
Nice to have options!
12.06.2005
I lost my chat window
One side effect I didn't count on was losing my MSN contact window when I gave up that client. I forgot my MSN was hooked up through that email address! Ooops. Because I can't sign on with that name, I can't get my contact list either. So Please, calling all friends! Email me your contact info names (to my @shaw.ca email) so we can be online again! I will return the favour with my new MSN address for you. Thank you thank you thank you!
12.02.2005
"42"
The answer to Life, the Universe and Everything.
You know what, for such a boring life that I lead, there sure is a whole lot of drama!
Every day I am so thankful for the life I lead! There are no bruises on my body (that I didn't give myself), there are no addictions that I am fighting, no wars that threaten my home, no diseases running amock here nor do I worry about lack of heat or security, there is food in my pantry, 2 cars in the driveway, a fine roof over our head, enough toys to keep us all busy, 2 healthy sons, free school for them and reasonably priced healthcare when we need it. I have a helpful husband and we are both readily employable and healthy and smart enough to hold our own. I don't need to steal or cheat to make ends meet and I feel good about the choices I have made in life. There have been a few losses, but nothing overly tragic and all the experiences that I have had to this point have added up to a fine life by my own calculations!
But, I sure do find things to whine about! And I still seem to internalize a crap load of stress too... I think meditating on the good stuff more often may me a healthy thing... because I really do have it good, and I am so thankful!
You know what, for such a boring life that I lead, there sure is a whole lot of drama!
Every day I am so thankful for the life I lead! There are no bruises on my body (that I didn't give myself), there are no addictions that I am fighting, no wars that threaten my home, no diseases running amock here nor do I worry about lack of heat or security, there is food in my pantry, 2 cars in the driveway, a fine roof over our head, enough toys to keep us all busy, 2 healthy sons, free school for them and reasonably priced healthcare when we need it. I have a helpful husband and we are both readily employable and healthy and smart enough to hold our own. I don't need to steal or cheat to make ends meet and I feel good about the choices I have made in life. There have been a few losses, but nothing overly tragic and all the experiences that I have had to this point have added up to a fine life by my own calculations!
But, I sure do find things to whine about! And I still seem to internalize a crap load of stress too... I think meditating on the good stuff more often may me a healthy thing... because I really do have it good, and I am so thankful!
12.01.2005
No turning back now
I did it!
I sent the package away yesterday..... 11 DVDs, countless CDRs, Samples, files, portfolio -- it came to 68lbs of stuff all together! He should have got it all at the office (the bookkeeper will receive it) by this afternoon. Then he will know its over.
Here is the note:
"D;
With the delivery of this package, “Effective immediately” I am no longer a member of MD, nor will I provide any service to the company. Commitment to deadlines, errors, poor and inconsistent communications from people have become intolerable, I cannot do my job effectively and as a result I am finished. You know when, where and what I am talking about, so this should not be a surprise."
It is almost verbatim to the slap in the face of an email that he gave me when he told me to fire Nick. I still feel really ill about leaving the deadlines for KASBA unattended! They have made deposits on these things, but I don't have the tools to meet the deadlines anyway. I feel the worst for the Hill's I like them! ...............and their deadlines just got a whole lot harder to make. I feel like a bitch.
Eeeee, If I thought it would help, I'd want to be really drunk right now! I guess I'll just curl up with a big box of chocolate and sob and shake for a while, then everything will look... after all, my respectful clients need me too!
I sent the package away yesterday..... 11 DVDs, countless CDRs, Samples, files, portfolio -- it came to 68lbs of stuff all together! He should have got it all at the office (the bookkeeper will receive it) by this afternoon. Then he will know its over.
Here is the note:
"D;
With the delivery of this package, “Effective immediately” I am no longer a member of MD, nor will I provide any service to the company. Commitment to deadlines, errors, poor and inconsistent communications from people have become intolerable, I cannot do my job effectively and as a result I am finished. You know when, where and what I am talking about, so this should not be a surprise."
It is almost verbatim to the slap in the face of an email that he gave me when he told me to fire Nick. I still feel really ill about leaving the deadlines for KASBA unattended! They have made deposits on these things, but I don't have the tools to meet the deadlines anyway. I feel the worst for the Hill's I like them! ...............and their deadlines just got a whole lot harder to make. I feel like a bitch.
Eeeee, If I thought it would help, I'd want to be really drunk right now! I guess I'll just curl up with a big box of chocolate and sob and shake for a while, then everything will look... after all, my respectful clients need me too!
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