Lots of Fluff (Part II)

I feel I really am in a good place right now. My day to day worries are just average concerns... the price of gas, the environment, world economy, how can I afford this or that?, what's for dinner this week?, am I doing my kids wrong with my parenting style? .... that sort of stuff.

Truth be told, I am generally very optomistic about being in control of my own fortune, and the power is heady and sweet.

The lingering memories of Italy are permeated into my being, I think about Venice the most (I will HAVE to go back and explore the decaying alleys and dusty churches more thoroughly). But I also dream of the other places I want to see. There are too many to list here. I think I see myself as the sort that will travel in my 50's.... about the time when I will become a serious ARTIST.

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I am blissfully IN LOVE with my husband, and I am feeling loved and appreciated at home. He has been helpful, supportive and caring in all the right places, and I don't feel like pushing his buttons like I did a couple years back.

I don't feel constantly run off my feet and I even believe I am getting enough sleep! There are no major illnesses to worry about, (knock on wood) and the house seems to be staying intact for now (though I know in the back of my head that the hot water tank is a little over 9 years old)

However, sometimes I wonder if I am being anti-social too much. Saying "no" to things comes pretty easy these days. Often I would prefer to insulate myself and just not meet new people. Why is it like that?

The part that worries me most about what is going on in my life right now is that I am not in a place of growth, and it surprises me how content I am to be here! Sure I go through spurts of desire and wishing for more, but these feelings pass with careful consideration of the blessings I already enjoy and the risk that changes entail. It is a flux of wanting to be the kind of person that grows, wants more and takes risks, and wanting to be the kind of person that is in a kind of Zen place (a simple life of being immensely rich with little pleasures and beauty that is mine for the taking).

These 2 parts of me quietly wage war every day. The one that draws plans, reads business books, and looks at real estate magazines, is not content - which I dislike, but still hopeful -which I love! And the part of me that declutters the house and sits down in my livingroom smiling at the shear pleasure of having a space to sit so comfortably, hugging my husband with genuine affection, seeing my children playing in our terrific neighbourhood, and driving my rusty truck humming happily with the secure knowledge that it is paid for and safe, tinking on the keyboard at home for my small clientelle and finds joy in seeing the kids to school.... THAT part of me is cherished for it's warm security, and it is fighting with the place in me that wants so much more.

That part of me wants a private acreage, worries about the wrinkles on my face and the image I put out to the world, wonders if I should be pushing the kids harder in school, and sees the shiny new cars that fill me with lusty desire for MORE! I know I can achieve anything with a little drive, care and effort; I can get more business, take my appearence more seriously, make a habit of sitting with the kids to go over expectations daily, push T out of his comfort zone by telling him we are putting it all on the line for a bigger house (and bigger debt), the world is my oyster and I am still young enough to get it all and old enough to get respect doing it!!!!!

But, SHOULD I? Just because I can, doesn't mean I should. Am I wasting my potential by being content with my happy life? Am I foolish to desire more than I already have? It's hard to say what path is the correct one, in a heartbeat it could all change and the options could be taken away!

My soul aches for direction and still celebrates the freedom of choice! Almost like the little devil and angel on the shoulders, but I can't tell which is bad and which is good.

Sigh....If one were holding a pitchfork it would be so much easier!

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Lots of fluff

It just occured to me as I was lying in bed last night that my posts have been very fluffy lately. Cute pictures and stories, but nothing really about how I am doing or my hopes and fears.

First my online life.... the faves:

Tee has been keeping me busy reading her thought-provoking posts (I laugh, I cry, I shake my fists).

Gail has me busy minding my money and balancing the $$ with morals and family responsibilities. I love her style and no bull attitude.

Otherwise I am happily visiting Spider, Tai and Kimber's blogs daily HOPING they will have something new to share... some insight into their lives up-to-the-minute.

My real life is drumming along... Summer is whooshing by so quickly that I am startled by it! The boys find stuff to do, between playing with friends and hanging out in the cul-de-sac or visiting the cousin, they seem to be occupied without much interference from me! What a change from a few years ago. I have them enrolled in Boys and Girls Club on Tuesdays and they love it. Steve goes to a different club than Cami (the age difference dictates where they go), both keep the kids so busy that they say the day just flies by! A nice mix of child directed time and organized time, well worth the steep charge of $30 per kid per day. I drop them off fairly early and am free to get an intense amount of work done, and go to meetings.

Today the boys were lucky enough to be taken by their Grandparents to the forestry museum (I am so jealous, I love it there!) they came home raving about all the neat machines they saw.

And they have been invited to some really different birthday parties lately too at WildPlay and Jumping Jiminy's, almost like an interesting summer! They had an iced tea stand last weekend and Steve's huge paperroute keeps hime busy for 2.5 hours x 3 days a week too.

The boys aside, I am doing some decluttering and organizing of my office and closet. I did a run at the boys' rooms a little while back and got rid of two garbage bags to the dump, one to charity and a big box to the consignment store, and they didn't even notice the stuff was gone (except one big toy truck that had been ignored for a long time) -- just that their rooms were cleaner!

The puppy is now a dog, and he adds a lot of interest to our lives... he has frustrating dog habits of course, and freedom to leave the house is very restricted, but hey that's the price of furry unconditional love. (on that note: I now completely and utterly ignore the nasty, dog-hating neighbour -- she is invisible to me). My darling fuzzy cat has turned quite lovey since we got the pup. They don't exactly get along yet, but I think they will eventually.

My garden is still thriving on the love and attention Spider gave it! My roses are stunning, the lilies look great, the lavender is so fragrant, the 4 clematis (that I thought were dead over the winter) are the bloomiest I have ever seen them, and I have strawberries and rasberries in small quantities. I had to do a major trimming of the herbs and was smart enough to dry and containerize the sage, rosemary and thyme. It is a proud and pretty thing, my little garden.

I am holding by my promise to myself not to BUY anymore books until I read the ones I have (that goes for the boys' books too) however I still took some out from the library.

Work has been exceptionally satisfying the last little while. I feel like I have time to do things right and my clients are very happy with me.... and I am happy with them too! There are a couple with outstanding invoices and I really don't want to pester. I do have to though, yuck. I have been very serious about saving lately, and have been squirrelling away like crazy. T is proud of me, we may actually be able to replace one of our rusty, aged vehicles next year!

T has had to work like mad, his regular job is demanding long hours, his "second" job has taken his Mondays and people are always asking him to look at their small engines.... he seems to be taking it in stride, but I know he wants to do fun stuff more often. (Our dirtbikes are practically neglected. Either it is too hot out or we are too busy to ride).

So this post, it still isn't very in depth is it? Maybe tomorrow. I am tired right now and want to hit the hay.

I caught this adorable, furry predator on my youngest son's ceiling the other morning.... she was a large version of her kind, and I am not sure how she got so lost as to be that far in my home... so I let her out in the back garden, I hope she is happy.
Look at those bright, attentive eyes and that crazy hairdoo! Such a snazzy outfit of red and black too!
I was coming back in and noticed another lovely lady with eight legs.... a dutiful mother staying by her silken clutch.

I have no response to that.

I had to get a filling fixed today. My tongue feels HUGE and my lips are tingly and I can barely swallow.

Thankfully, I do not fear nor loathe the dentist. I got there a bit early, and brushed my teeth (it's the least I can do since they are forced to work in such close quarters within my mouth). They were ready for me right away so I got myself comfy in the AWESOME chair, I don't know if it's just me, but I love the dentist chair, my dentist has one with a gel lumbar support and perfectly positioned headrest.... sigh.... With the warm glow on my face and a set of headphones playing some relaxing Sarah McLachlan in my ears I was ready for anything.

I still chatter uncontrollably when I know they are going to jab a needle into my inner jaw though.... it is better than the roof of the mouth (by about a million times), but I still don't enjoy it! I made funny faces as they tried to rinse the terrible taste out of my mouth, and they laughed. I decided I wasn't going to be strong or brave at all for this one, in fact I decided to ham it up.

15 minutes later, when I could barely speak through uncooperative lips and sluggish tongue they came back in to work on removing the old filling.

The dentist mumbles something to the assistant.... "what?" I query, since I didn't know if it was directed at me. She looked kind of sad, but she smiled and said "I love you."

"umm....." (I am speechless)

"just say thank you" she laughs.

"okay, thank you." I finally reply.

After the work was all done (they had to apply more freezing since it felt like I was being electrocuted about halfway into it; and my jaw started wobbling uncontrollably so she had to put in a big rubber block)... she walked me to the front counter. "thanks for the kind comment" I prod gently....

"Oh Tracy, if you knew the day I have had, I just love that you are NORMAL!" she sighed happily.

Spot the Bee

What happens when the bees are busy and the light is waning?
A challenging set of pictures.... see if you can spot the bees!

First Camping Trip of the Season

On the way out to the campsite I was positively GIDDY with anticipation... we are going CAMPING!!!! I felt organized, prepared and ready for sleeping out!

We were planning to meet another family at the Bamberton site (Mill Bay area), but we got there and it was all full! We sat around for a bit, then I noticed a payphone and called my friend to tell her the bad news. I told her we were going to the nearest one on Cowichan Lake next.

Sure enough, that HUGE provincial site was full too! I started to loose my happy glow at this point.... ugh. As I was calling again (no answer this time) the other family showed up, so we made plans to go farther off the beaten path to a forestry site halfway round the lake on gravel roads.

We got there and it was slim pickings with only 2 spots available, so we snagged one and set up camp as a large group just in time for making dinner.

It turned out to be a nice enough spot, close to an outhouse (but not too close), surrounded by lovely forest and a very short walk to the lake.

There was a huge log to walk out on to jump in the clean, clear lake, and lots of trees to climb. That first night was busy, but the second night was downright CHAOTIC with a big lakeside party going on and people drunk and rowdy all over the place (we were happy to be a little ways away from that nonsense).

We went on a trail that went through a corner of clear-cut, the fireweed and ferns were over 6 feet tall (as the above photo shows my husband getting lost in it). Cameron was funny scrambling through, making a running comentary of the steps and drops as he found them.

This was the dog's first camping trip, and my friend's dog's first camping trip too. They kept each other amused, and other than some barking, they were pretty good. Max really enjoyed the lake. My friends left on Sunday and it was just my family the third night. By then almost everyone had cleared out and it was delightfully quiet. Interestingly the wind really picked up that evening, and the boys thought that was terrific fun on the waves! Bobbing and tossing around on a half-waterlogged raft they squealed in glee.... I think they are nuts.

Some great tree climbing was done by the whole family, even the dog tried to follow T up a tree!

As usual, the mosquitoes too a particular liking for Cammy (he looks like measles). And I don't think I will ever get used to outhouses (gag). Otherwise we all had a fine time exploring the woods, looking for salmon berries, playing on the nice beach, campfires and cooking outdoors.

Bloggity Blog Blog

I'm baaaaack!

I didn't really go anywhere, I was just being lazy about blogging.

I found kick butt website/blog that I have been pouring over for days. http://www.unclutterer.com/ it ROCKS! For sensible decluttering ideas (obviously) AND living frugal too. It's three cheers from me! All sorts of great links to past entries, other sites, etc. I have read all the way back 23 pages so far, with more to go. So between that and the www.gailvazoxlade.com/blog/ I have used all my not-working-on-the-computer minutes NOT blogging.

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That last one was a busy weekend!

Friday night was going to a BBQ at my stepdad's, hotdogs and burgers, yummmmmm. Surprisingly, his dog and max got on pretty good!

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Saturday afternoon we had another BBQ, this one celebrating a 4 year old's birthday in Duncan! I was feeling very antisocial, the only one I wanted to talk to was the hostess, and she was busy!(but I got some really cute pictures). As you can see.... their dog got along VERY well with Max!

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Sunday was the interesting part.
Shortly after 7am, the kid that Steve on the cruise showed up with his dad! They brought their bikes and some camping supplies and kabobs for our BBQ, to spend the whole day and night.
Steve and his buddy got along really, really well the entire day. The dad is a very interesting guy actually, we had lots of time to talk as the boys went off to do whatever they were doing, (he is an inventor of electronic "gadgets" that solve problems and make innovations for other companies worldwide). In the afternoon we all went for a bike ride in the trails, the guests introduced us to a hobby/sport called geocaching, (a global treasure hunt that they participate in). With the help of GPS we found 2 caches in our neighbourhood! On the way back from the ride, Steve ran over a wasps nest! It was on a narrow overgrown trail, and T saw it happen, and said "BEES! RUN!" The boys were ahead and bolted farther down the trail, T almost ran over me back-tracking (he got stung on the ankle).... as we ran back to the main trail, we could hear poor Max yelping and whimpering in pain!
I found another trail going in the same general direction as everyone else had gone, and when we all grouped up again we called Max until he found us. That dog must have run away for some distance because it took him a while to get to us. The casualties were pretty limited. Just T and Max. We had a nice BBQ, and they taught us a variation on s'mores that involves bananas, and then a fire in the chiminea outside. Then our guests set up a tent on the back deck and it was lights out around 10pm. They got up very early Monday morning to meet their scout troop in Victoria by 9:40. But we did have time for an early breakfast all together before they left.

T did marvellously well, he usually hates changing his routine for anything, good thing they were very nice and intellegent people. There was barely any weirdness at all! Really surprising considering they were strangers when they showed up!!!!!

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This weekend coming up, we are ditching all responsibilities and going CAMPING!!!!!! I am very excited about it as the weather is supposed to be quite good.

O Canada!

Our home and native land!

True patriot love in all thy sons command.

With glowing hearts we see thee rise,

The True North strong and free!

From far and wide,O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.

God keep our land glorious and free!

O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.

Back Yard Visitors

I am always amazed and delighted at the quantity and quality of visitors we have in my neighbourhood! Ladybugs, many variety of bees, pretty snails, energetic jumping spiders, a rainbow of dragon flies and butterflies and all other sorts of beetles, bugs and invertebrates.

Occasionally though we get a special guest.... up close and personal! Like the time I was asked to remove a northern alligator lizard from the neighbour's kitchen (very reclusive and the largest lizard in Canada) their son had caught it, then forgot to put it back. There was the giant metallic bronze bug that landed on my back last summer (!!!!), and the little brown bird just a couple weekends ago that just dropped out of the sky that I got to hold and clean dirt off before letting go. And the pretty emerald green (or bronze) tree frogs that are sometimes found tucked in the foliage! This time I was lucky enough to have the camera easy to get at.... he was just sitting there trying to look inconspicuous hanging off a small cedar tree.

This morning, there was a large moth on my house (4 inches across) it must have just gotten out of the cocoon because it looked so FRESH and slightly wrinkly. It jumped off the house and fell into my hollyhocks, wings outspread, it looked really amazing! According to my bug book, it is a Polyphemus Moth.... quite pretty and alarmingly big and hairy.

It is safe to say that I am not too squeamish, and I simply DELIGHT in seeing what nature has crafted so carefully and so beautifully.

AND I love my cul-de-sac. Part forest, part wetlands, and close to a large field.... it has so much variety and life -- for a suburb!